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106: Cannibal Mermaids
106: Cannibal Mermaids

Episode 106

How far can you get making only right turns? What's the proper response to being constantly serenaded? Does fire have mass? And more! Email us: hanka…

8 years, 11 months ago

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105: Fancy Diving
105: Fancy Diving

Episode 105

Is cake salty? How do I get alone time at a party without a cigarette? Where is the rest of An Imperial Affliction? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@g…

8 years, 11 months ago

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104: Dove Quivering
104: Dove Quivering

Episode 104

Why am I afraid of something I know doesn’t exist? Can I avoid scurvy by sticking my arm in a giant vat of orange juice? What is proper etiquette for…

8 years, 11 months ago

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103: There Are No Boxes (w/ Gaby Dunn!)
103: There Are No Boxes (w/ Gaby Dunn!)

Episode 103

What is a mug without a handle? When's the right time to get a Saturn tattoo? Should I come out when I'm not ready? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@g…

9 years ago

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102: The Friend Bucket
102: The Friend Bucket

Episode 102

Could you take down a coyote with your arms? Should people be allowed to put things in someone else's Netflix queue? How do I cope with social anxiet…

9 years ago

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101: Knit like a Mofo
101: Knit like a Mofo

Episode 101

What would happen if all mosquitoes die? What do I do about my surprise YouTube celebrity boyfriend? What's the truth about John Lennon's "Imagine"? …

9 years ago

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100th Episode Extravaganza Spectacular!!!
100th Episode Extravaganza Spectacular!!!

Episode 100

Who was the first joshing Josh? Do bugs understand glass? How do I learn to chill? And more! probablysignedturtles.com Email us: hankandjohn@gmail.co…

9 years ago

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99: A Fusing of the Hair
99: A Fusing of the Hair

Episode 99

What do I do if my spouse wants to shave his head? Why are there birds at the airport? What if I'm not as well read as my boyfriend? And more! Email …

9 years, 1 month ago

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98: An Army of Burrito Children (w/ Dodie Clark!)
98: An Army of Burrito Children (w/ Dodie Clark!)

Episode 98

How do you deal with the dissipation of your future plans? Should I tell my parents I met my boyfriend on Tinder? How do I succeed if I'm not a go-ge…

9 years, 1 month ago

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97: Lemon Salty Whales
97: Lemon Salty Whales

Episode 97

When should I introduce my kid to Star Wars? Can I dislike parts of my life even though I have privilege? How did humans start swimming? And more! Em…

9 years, 1 month ago

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