Episode Details

When you're leaving someone dangerous, "just be careful" isn't a plan. Steve, a personal-protection professional with executive and government protective-detail experience, joins Lisa to talk about what real safety planning looks like for ordinary people.

Steve starts where professionals start: with a danger assessment, the screening questions that separate a bad breakup from a genuine threat. Many of the warning signs aren't physical, and he's clear that you should never build your plan around the hope that yours is the better-than-average case. He and Lisa get into advanced safety planning and why the window around separation is statistically one of the most dangerous. He's also emphatic that this happens to people of every gender.

If you're in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services. In the U.S., the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233.

✅ WHAT YOU'LL LEARN
✅ How professional protection thinking applies to a dangerous ex
✅ What a danger (lethality) assessment actually screens for
✅ The coercive-control warning signs that aren't physical but still predict risk
✅ Why you should never plan around the "exceptional," best-case scenario
✅ How to build a real, advanced safety plan
✅ Why the window around separation is statistically the most dangerous
✅ Why this affects people of every gender
✅ The one safety message Steve wants everyone to remember

⏱️ TIMESTAMPS (+1:00 for the bumper)
0:00 Intro
1:00 Meet Steve, and his protection background
10:00 The danger assessment: screening for real risk
16:00 Coercive control: "he doesn't hit you, but..."
27:00 Building a real safety plan
41:00 Why separation is the most dangerous time
46:00 The one message to take home
51:00 This happens to men and women alike
61:00 Where the law is changing

CTA (spoken): Worried about your safety leaving a dangerous relationship? Book a free discovery call at beentheregotout.com.
Books: Been There Got Out — https://www.amazon.com/Been-There-Got-Relationships-Circumstances/dp/194627495X/ · When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You — https://www.amazon.com/Been-There-Got-Out-Against/dp/1967674183
Tags: personal safety, safety planning, dangerous ex, domestic violence, coercive control, danger assessment, leaving an abuser, separation safety, high conflict divorce