Episode Details

Someone posts that life keeps being unfair to them. You reach out, you offer something real, and within weeks there is a new reason things are unfair, and then another. Chelsey Brooke Cole describes it as pouring support into a place where nothing is being built.

Our returning guest this episode is Chelsey Brooke Cole, a licensed psychotherapist, certified partner trauma therapist, author, coach, and speaker whose work centers on narcissistic abuse and relationship trauma, and who also works with introverts and empaths. Lisa asked her on after seeing a post of hers breaking down how narcissistic behavior shows up on social media, a topic the show had not covered. Chelsey's starting point is that once you have learned to recognize the pattern, you cannot stop seeing it, which she frames as the reward for doing the healing work rather than repeating it.

She walks through four post types. The entitlement post, built to produce envy, which is where the picture-perfect family photos live. The poor-me post, which reads as pitiful and leaves you compelled to reach out, and where fundraising asks often sit. The contemptuous post, passive-aggressive and cruel, wrapped in humor and a laughing emoji so that any objection becomes your failure to take a joke. And the ranting post that begins mid-sentence, aimed unmistakably at one person who is never named, so the poster collects sympathy from everyone who missed the context.

The line between that and ordinary posting is what Lisa keeps pushing on, and Chelsey's test is pattern rather than any single post: how often, in what tone, whether the person ever engages with anybody else's life, and what you feel after reading. They move into the custody-case version, where the kids appear as proof of a perfect parent or as the poster's emotional support, and then into smear campaigns, flying monkeys, and cherry-picked screenshots on a platform with no fact-checking. Chelsey's advice is to block, to tell your own people to come to you directly, and to stay out of a public fight the other side wants. It closes on intuition, body scans, and checking in with yourself before you check in with anyone else.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• Why social media hands someone seeking constant validation an unlimited supply
• The entitlement post, and why it is built to produce envy
• The poor-me post, the money ask, and why your support never changes anything
• The contemptuous post, and the laughing emoji that lets it be walked back
• The ranting post that targets one person and names nobody
• The real test: pattern, tone, whether they engage with others, and how you feel after reading
• Smear campaigns, flying monkeys, and what to tell your friends instead of arguing publicly
• Fake profiles in support groups, and why blocking beats keeping watch

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Why social media is built for narcissistic supply
5:00 Where ordinary posting ends and the pattern begins
6:30 The entitlement post
8:30 The poor-me post, and the money ask
12:30 The contemptuous post, and "I was just joking"
15:30 The ranting post that names no one
18:30 Fake profiles, closed groups, and why blocking is the move
20:00 Smear campaigns, flying monkeys, and what to tell your friends
24:00 Using the kids: the perfect-family post and the emotional-support post
26:30 How you feel after reading it, and listening to your body

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex