Episode Details

Three and a half years into her own case, and still not finished, Angie says finding a lawyer who'd take her case was the easy part. It was learning, mostly by trial and error, what she was allowed to ask for.

David Morneau practiced family law in Ontario for two decades before moving toward collaborative law and mediation; he's currently between practices after leading a domestic violence charity through the pandemic. Angie is a single parent working through her own high-conflict separation and joins as what she calls a test client, someone living the questions this series is built around.

This is the first part of an ongoing series on treating the client relationship with an attorney like any other major purchase or service. David, Angie, Lisa, and Chris go through what a first consultation should actually sound like, the questions worth asking ("how would you handle a case like mine," "what's your experience with domestic violence," "what happens if I email you at midnight"), and the red flags that mean it's time to look elsewhere: absolute language, a lawyer who won't accept a second opinion, one who insists it's all-or-nothing representation, or one who claims to handle every kind of case equally well. They also cover unbundling: hiring a lawyer for a single motion, a single review, or as a background advisor while you represent yourself, instead of assuming full representation is the only option.

David also talks about what he calls the white knight problem: attorneys who position themselves as the one person who can save a client, instead of building the client's own capacity to make decisions long after the case is closed.

As always, this is strategic education, not legal or mental-health advice for your specific situation.

🎓 What you'll learn

• The open-ended question to ask instead of "how would you handle my case": "how are we going to work together"
• Why absolute language ("always," "never," "slam dunk") from a lawyer is a red flag
• Why a lawyer who shuts down questions, or insists on all-or-nothing representation, is a red flag
• What "unbundling" legal services means, and how to hire a lawyer for one part of a case instead of all of it
• Why asking "what's your experience with domestic violence" beats asking if they "handle all cases"
• Why a communication plan, how often you'll hear from your attorney, and what a late-night email costs, should be set before you sign a retainer
• Why treating your lawyer as your only source of emotional support runs up your bill and leaves you unsupported

⏱️ Chapters
0:00 Intro
1:00 Why David got into this work, and the idea behind the series
5:00 Angie's first year: interviewing lawyers and learning her own case
11:00 The adversarial system, and David's "put your watch away" approach
15:00 The white knight problem, and why empowering the client matters more
21:00 Learning to speak up without becoming the thing you're escaping
29:00 Questions to ask when you first meet an attorney
41:00 Financial abuse, resource gaps, and why professionals should refer to each other
45:00 What a midnight email actually costs, and setting a communication plan
53:00 Building a team: attorney, therapist, and financial professional together
1:01:00 Red flags: absolute language, and the case where "sure thing" wasn't
1:17:00 More red flags, unbundling services, and the Marriage Story archetypes

Keep going 💜
Book a free 30-minute discovery call and we'll help you map your next steps: https://beentheregotout.com/call
📘 Been There Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce, and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances — https://www.amazon.com/dp/194627495X
📘 Been There Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (our parental-alienation book) — https://www.amazon.com/dp/19676