Episode Details

Somewhere in Washington, in a parked car.

Ike: It’s a dumpster fire.

Mike: They’ll bound back.

Ike: Didn’t Elon Musk invent some kind of brain enhancement thing? Is it too soon to get that for Biden? Is it only chimps?

Mike: What?

Ike: Nutrisystem … Nutra grain …

Mike: Nuralink!

Ike: Is it too late to join human clinical trials?

Mike: Don’t be an ass. Everybody gets old.

Ike: Most people don’t get that old.

Mike: The boomers. They built it all. Now, they’re destroying it all. Everything is coming apart. Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer - how did it all go so wrong?

Ike: Seriously, calm down. It’s not that bad. He can bounce back. If he passes those bills the press will be giving him slobbery blow—you know.

Mike: Please don’t say it.

Ike: He’s putting on the heat with Manchin, the press keeps bullying Sinema - how long can she possibly hold out? Although her fashion sense tells me she doesn’t exactly want to blend in. Got Obama out in Virginia to drag MacAuliffe over the finish line. They have Americans whipped up into unmanageable panic and fear with January 6th. They’ll do as they’re told. Polls will rise because that is the story we’re going to tell. Reality is less of an issue than what we say the reality is. Reality isn’t what you think it is. Reality is just a matter of opinion. If we say everything is going fine, then everything is going fine.

Mike: What?

Ike: They’ll bounce back. He’s too big to fail. They are too big to fail. The press, the blue checks - they will not let him fail. They put him in power and they don’t want to look like fools. We got this.

Mike: It’s more than the polls. There is a disconnect between reality and fantasy. The people who are dictating what the Democrats do are themselves completely out of touch with at least half of the American people. What the Right thinks about the Left is closer to reality than what the Left has decided the Right is. The Democrats only have one option to win elections: To scare voters. Rolling Stone comes out with a January 6 piece just before a big election. But what no one ever says is that there were two separate events that day. One was legal and one wasn’t. They’re treating the whole thing, all of the people who were there to protest lawfully and rightfully into insurrectionists. They weren’t. And yet. If they can keep the people scared they can maintain some power. Once that fear goes away, though, they are sunk. But they need fear and fear is destroying the country. Democrats really think that this is the way forward. It is a way forward. To war.

Ike: You’re overthinking it. I’m telling you, the kind of power backing the Democrats right now is insurmountable. We just need to spitball a few ideas to throw out into the public to let them know the Biden administration is on their side. Maybe stop testing baby puppy beagles. Just a thought.

Mike: Oh you mean like removing Thomas Jefferson from City Hall? Pronouns Day by the State Department? This was not supposed to be America’s second revolution. You start taking down the statues of confederates, that’s one thing. Teddy Roosevelt - now it’s getting weird. You take down Jefferson, that’s the end of the American experiment.

Ike: Okay, so those didn’t work as well. We have to think outside the box here. Ice cream, bike rides, that disastrous Town Hall with Anderson Cooper…not working. So what about, you know, maybe a kind of casual fun thing. Slow jam the news?

Mike: BIDEN IS NOT OBAMA! He doesn’t have that kind of charisma. No one wants to see him on TV. The country is falling apart.

Ike: Do you want me