Episode Details

Ask Rachel anything

Discovering that your teenager is self-harming can be frightening and overwhelming. Why are they doing it? Does it mean they're suicidal? Should you take away anything they could use to hurt themselves? And, perhaps hardest of all, what should you actually say to them?

In this episode of Teenagers Untangled, Rachel Richards and psychotherapist Susie Asli explore teen self-harm: why teenagers self-harm, the warning signs parents should look for, and how to respond without making things worse.

Self-harm isn't simply about the injury itself. It can be a way of coping with emotional distress that feels impossible to express or manage. For some teenagers it provides distraction or release; for others it can be connected to feelings of shame, sadness, anxiety, hopelessness or being overwhelmed.

We discuss some of the signs of self-harm, why the apparent severity of an injury doesn't necessarily tell you how distressed a teenager is, and why parents should take any self-harming behaviour seriously.

Most importantly, we look at what parents can do.

How do you stay calm when you're terrified? Should you ask to see the injuries? What if your teenager refuses to talk? Should you remove objects you're worried they might use? How can you help them identify their emotional triggers and develop safer ways of coping?

We also discuss why repeatedly checking whether a teenager has self-harmed can sometimes increase shame, why recovery may not happen in a straight line, and why professional support is important.

Later in the episode, we turn to how we communicate with our teenagers and identify four parenting communication styles: the Shouter, the Best Friend, the Hot and Cold Tap and the Ice King or Queen.

Which one sounds most like you?

We look at how shouting, oversharing, inconsistent reactions or emotional distance can affect teenagers — and the small changes that can help us create a home in which our children feel secure, loved and able to talk to us.

A compassionate, practical conversation about teenage self-harm, emotional distress, parent-teen communication and how to support a struggling teenager.

The rate of self-harm among young children in the UK has doubled over the last six years according to recent research compiled by the British Broadcasting Corporation.

Keith Hawton, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Oxford, told File on 4 the data on self-harm was “in keeping with what we’re finding from our research databases. It’s almost as though the problem is spreading down the age range. 

One analysis of self-injury behaviour across more than 40 countries found that the average age of the first incident of self-harm is 13 and adolescents have the highest rate of self-injury behaviour. 

Given the increasing risk that your teen, or one of their friends, will be impacted by self-harm we decided to delve into what it is and how we can better help our adolescents. 

One mum says that her 12 year old teen began self-harming due to bullying. She takes her to the swings whenever she needs to soothe herself, and says it makes all the difference. Such a great idea!

Resources:

• https://www.priorygroup.com/media-centre/ten-ways-a-parent-can-help-a-child-avoid-self-harming
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/two-takes-depression/201803/6-tips-reduce-self-harm-in-children
• https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/for-friends-and-family/
• https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/10-ways-people-self-harm-self-injure
• https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/23/health/mental-health-crisis-teens.html