Episode Details

What do experienced foster parents wish someone had told them before their very first placement?

You can complete the training, read the guidance, prepare your home and speak to professionals, but there are some things about foster parenting that only become clear when you're actually living the experience.

In this episode of The Kingswell Conversations, Richard Kingswell, CEO of Extra Special Parents and FosterVA in Virginia, reflects on the lessons foster parents often learn along the way and the realities that can surprise even the most prepared caregivers.

Drawing on his years of experience working with children and foster families, Richard explores the differences between traditional foster care, therapeutic foster care and kinship care, and why understanding a child's experiences before they enter your home is so important.

For many new foster parents, one of the biggest surprises is discovering that a child may not immediately welcome their love, attention or support.

A child entering foster care may be frightened, angry, confused or desperate to return home. Their previous experiences may have taught them that adults cannot always be trusted, and building a relationship with a new caregiver can take time.

Richard explains why patience, understanding and realistic expectations are essential, particularly when supporting children who have experienced significant trauma.

He also discusses something that can be difficult for adults to appreciate: what feels normal to one family may be completely unfamiliar to a child who has grown up with different routines, expectations or experiences.

From everyday activities such as mealtimes and bathing to the way children respond to kindness, boundaries and reassurance, foster parents may find themselves helping children navigate situations that others take for granted.

In this episode, we explore:

• What experienced foster parents often wish they'd understood before their first placement.
• The differences between traditional foster care, therapeutic foster care and kinship care.
• Why children may initially resist the care and affection offered by a new foster family.
• How trauma and previous experiences can shape a child's understanding of everyday life.
• Why building trust takes time and cannot be rushed.
• The importance of understanding a child's own sense of normality.
• How fostering can reveal unexpected emotional triggers and opportunities for personal growth.
• Why respite care and looking after your own wellbeing matter.
• The wider network of professionals involved in a child's foster care journey.
• Why paperwork, reporting requirements and documentation can surprise new foster parents.
• How confidence and experience develop through the fostering journey.

One particularly important part of the conversation focuses on the difference between therapeutic foster care and kinship care.

Richard explains that children placed with relatives or other familiar adults may already have an established relationship of trust. Although the circumstances surrounding the placement can still be extremely difficult, that existing connection can provide an important foundation.

For therapeutic foster parents welcoming a child they have never met, building that trust may be a much longer journey.

Richard also reflects on the personal development that can come with fostering.

Caregivers may discover emotional triggers they hadn't previously recognised, learn new ways of responding to difficult situations and develop a deeper understanding of themselves.

He shares how experienced foster parents sometimes tell him that the children they've cared for have taught them just as much as they've taught the children.

The conversation then turns to another reality that can surprise new foster families: the number of people