Episode Details

Foster parents spend so much time supporting children through trauma, uncertainty and difficult emotions. But what happens when caring for a child begins to affect their own emotional wellbeing?

Who looks after the foster parent?

In this episode of The Kingswell Conversations, Richard Kingswell, CEO of Extra Special Parents and FosterVA in Virginia, explores secondary trauma, emotional fatigue and the importance of making sure foster parents have the support they need throughout their fostering journey.

Caring for a child who has experienced trauma can be deeply rewarding, but it can also bring unexpected emotional challenges. Sometimes a child's experiences, words or behaviour can stir memories and feelings that a caregiver believed were long behind them.

Richard explains why understanding these possibilities is an important part of preparing to foster, and why experiencing difficult emotions doesn't mean someone is unsuitable to be a foster parent.

What matters is recognising when support is needed and feeling able to ask for it.

Drawing on his experience in child welfare, Richard identifies three important sources of support: personal relationships, professional support from the fostering agency and, where appropriate, independent counselling or therapy.

He explains why foster parents should never feel they have to navigate everything alone, and how having the right people around them can make an enormous difference to their resilience and wellbeing.

In this episode, we explore:

• What secondary trauma and emotional fatigue can mean for foster parents.
• Why caring for children who have experienced trauma can sometimes bring up difficult personal memories.
• How seemingly small words, situations or experiences can trigger unexpected emotional responses.
• The importance of building a reliable network of friends and family.
• How fostering agencies can provide professional guidance and emotional support.
• Why some caregivers may benefit from independent counselling or therapy.
• The role of openness and honesty during foster parent assessments and home studies.
• Why foster parents don't need to have experienced perfect childhoods or trouble-free lives.
• How personal experiences can influence the way caregivers respond to children.
• Why recognising your own emotional needs is part of caring for others.

One of the most personal moments in this conversation comes when Richard reflects on his own childhood.

Growing up with dyslexia, he remembers being labelled in ways that failed to recognise his abilities and strengths. Even today, hearing someone described as stupid can bring back those experiences and prompt a strong reaction.

It's a simple but powerful example of how our past experiences can continue to shape our emotional responses, sometimes in ways we don't immediately recognise.

Richard also discusses the importance of openness during the foster parent approval process.

While personal experiences don't automatically prevent someone from becoming a foster parent, understanding those experiences can help agencies identify where additional preparation, guidance or support might be valuable.

And he makes an important distinction: agency professionals can offer advice, reassurance and practical support, but they are not a replacement for a qualified therapist when someone needs deeper help with their own emotional wellbeing.

Throughout the conversation, Richard returns to a central message: fostering is not something families should be expected to do in isolation.

The children entering foster care deserve safety, understanding and consistent support. So do the people who open their homes and hearts to them.

Whether you're already fostering, considering becoming a foster parent or working alongside foster families professionally, this episode is