Episode Details

What do you do when a child in your care becomes overwhelmed, angry or withdrawn? How do you respond when a simple request turns into a major emotional reaction? And how can everyday parenting help a child who has experienced trauma begin to feel safe?

Supporting emotional regulation is an important part of therapeutic foster parenting, but it doesn't necessarily mean completely changing the way you parent.

In this episode of The Kingswell Conversations, Richard Kingswell, CEO of Extra Special Parents and FosterVA in Virginia, shares practical advice for helping children manage difficult emotions through everyday family life.

Rather than focusing on complicated theories, Richard explores the small, consistent actions that can help children build trust, understand expectations and feel more secure in their foster homes.

From family mealtimes and bedtime routines to setting boundaries and responding calmly when emotions escalate, this conversation is full of relatable examples that foster parents can recognise from their own homes.

Richard explains why children who have experienced trauma may respond more intensely to seemingly ordinary situations. A request to turn off a game, get ready for bed or follow a household rule may trigger feelings or memories that a caregiver doesn't immediately understand.

And while these reactions can be challenging, understanding the experiences behind a child's behaviour can make an important difference to how adults respond.

In this episode, we explore:

• What emotional regulation can look like in therapeutic foster care.
• Why predictable routines help children develop a sense of safety.
• How boundaries and saying no can build trust and reliability.
• Why trauma can intensify everyday emotional responses.
• Practical ways to respond when a child becomes angry or overwhelmed.
• Richard's approach to lowering your voice rather than matching a child's escalating emotions.
• Respecting a child's need for personal space while maintaining safety.
• Why caregivers sometimes need a moment to regulate their own emotions.
• How to discuss household expectations with older children and teenagers.
• Why conversations about consequences work best outside moments of crisis.

One of Richard's central messages is that foster parents don't need to become entirely different people to provide therapeutic care.

Children benefit from the ordinary rhythms of family life, including shared meals, familiar routines, consistent expectations and adults who do what they say they will do.

Richard also offers a particularly memorable piece of advice: when a child's emotions escalate, the adult should aim to de-escalate rather than join the escalation.

Sometimes that means lowering your voice, allowing a child space to settle or simply reassuring them that you're available when they're ready to talk.

For older children and teenagers, Richard highlights the importance of involving them in conversations about household expectations, listening to their needs and helping them understand the reasons behind family routines.

Because emotional regulation isn't about expecting children to stop having difficult feelings. It's about helping them experience those feelings within relationships where they can gradually learn what safety, trust and consistency look like.

Whether you're an experienced foster parent, considering therapeutic foster care or working professionally with children who have experienced trauma, this episode offers practical insights into the everyday moments that can make a meaningful difference.

Explore Richard's free guide

Considering foster care or adoption in Virginia? Download Richard's free 45-page Comprehensive Guide to Foster Care and Adoption:

https://www.fosterva.org/freeguide<