Episode Details

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Someone asked me: "How do I own my part in where I've ended up.. without beating myself up over it?"

Just because we have awareness of the pattern doesn't mean you don't fall into it. So I would say the first part is to stop, take a breath and scratch that CD, and if it's too late and I'm already sitting in shame, to ask what I really need right now. I think it's okay to have some days just be a write-off, and the best thing I can do is not make it worse.

I talk about what I've learned over the years, that so often when things don't go to plan, if I loosen my grip on how I think it needs to be, there's room for some magic. I also talk about the what could have been thing as the gripping, why the highest priority is always our health, pausing and feeling the shame fully, and making a different decision.

In this episode

• How a plan that didn't go to plan sets off the machine, like a Christmas tree that lights up
• Why having awareness of the pattern doesn't mean you don't fall into it
• Stopping, taking a breath and scratching that CD, and what to ask when it's already too late
• Knowing what to do and still finding ourselves in the pattern, and clearing the deck
• Why it's okay to have some days be a write-off, and why not making it worse is more productive
• Loosening my grip, and the room it leaves for some magic
• Knowing the pattern versus making the choices that free us from it, and life mirroring back
• Parking the task, because the highest priority is always our health
• The what could have been thing as the gripping, and being stuck in the past
• Pausing and feeling the shame fully without drowning in it, and going underneath it
• Making a different decision, and why the most productive thing can look like the least productive
• Seeing the pattern play out like pieces on a chess board

Chapters

00:00 Once the Decision Is Made, the Machine Lights Up Like a Christmas Tree

01:26 Awareness of the Pattern Doesn't Mean You Don't Fall Into It

02:26 Stop, Scratch That CD, and Ask What You Really Need Right Now

05:01 It's Okay to Have Some Days Just Be a Write-Off

06:51 Loosen Your Grip, and There's Room for Some Magic

09:09 Park the Task, Because the Highest Priority Is Always Our Health

10:35 The What Could Have Been Thing Is the Gripping

11:54 Pause and Feel the Shame Fully, Then Go Underneath It

13:17 We Can Also Make a Different Decision, Like a Half-Hour Nap

14:48 You Start to See It Play Out, Like the Pieces on a Chess Board

Watch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/fkKYfElbNII

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep68-owning-your-part-without-beating-yourself-up

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Take the free quiz to discover the pattern that's running your life: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/quiz