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#182 She's Not Coming At You — She's Coming To You
Description
"Why is she coming at me?" It's one of the most common things men say after betrayal — when their partner's pain shows up as tears, anger, a raised voice, or questions that come fast and hard.
In this solo episode, Hali speaks directly to men who broke trust and want to stay. She explains why a man's nervous system reads his partner's emotion as a threat — through neuroception, shame, and patterns learned long before this relationship — and why that reaction, while real, is almost never an accurate read of what's happening.
She then turns to the other side of the kitchen counter: what a betrayed partner's emotion actually is after a rupture like this, why her bringing it to him matters, and what it costs both partners when that pain gets defended against, avoided, or shut down.
Hali closes with seven concrete practices for staying present — from catching the first body signal to taking a break the right way — plus a clear boundary on what this episode is not saying, and a word directly to the betrayed partner who's been told she's "too much."
Written primarily for men who broke trust; betrayed partners are welcome to listen too.
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Connect With Me + Continue Your Healing
If today’s episode resonated with you, you don’t have to walk the healing journey after betrayal alone. Here are a few ways to stay connected and continue your healing:
Join my FREE Boundaries That Build Safety Workshop
Download my free guide: The Six Ways Betrayal Hides in Your Body
Learn more about Reclaiming You: Healing after betrayal starts with reclaiming yourself. Reclaiming You is a high touch, trauma-informed group experience designed to help you restore nervous system safety, rebuild self-trust, and come home to who you are.
Join the Help Her Heal weekly support group for men working to rebuild trust and create safety.
Sign up for my Rooted and Rising Healing mailing list to stay informed of all upcoming resources and events where we can connect.
Join me at a Retreat or Intensive
If you’re craving deeper, in-person support and embodied healing, I’m helping facilitate upcoming experiences created specifically for betrayed partners. Click the EVENTS tab on my web site for upcoming events.
If you are a navigating parenting in the aftermath of betrayal, you will find insightful information and tips on how to talk to your kids in my self-paced course called Intentional Parenting After Betrayal. I created this course alongside my daughter, Morgan Ellsworth, LMAFT, CCPS.
Free Resources & Downloads
Access free tools, guided practices, and educational resources designed to support nervous system regulation, self-trust, boundaries, and clarit