Episode Details

We all have blind spots, and sometimes the person we believe ourselves to be isn't the person we're actually demonstrating ourselves to be. We may genuinely believe we're showing up in certain ways without recognizing that our behavior tells a different story.

That difference matters in relationships. When our understanding of ourselves doesn't align with how we actually behave, it can affect how others experience us and whether they can trust and depend on us. Becoming more aware of those inconsistencies gives us an opportunity to develop greater coherence between who we believe we are and how we show up.

In this episode, we explore:

• How we can engage in unhealthy or manipulative behaviors without recognizing what we're doing.
• The difference between who we believe ourselves to be and how we actually show up in relationships.
• Why inconsistencies between our words and actions can affect how others experience and trust us.
• The aspirational self and how we can identify with qualities we haven't yet developed through our behavior.
• What it takes to become more internally coherent and consistent across our relationships.

Episode Thoughts to Sit With

“Do you really know the idea you have of how you show up in a relationship and the reality of how you show up in a relationship?”

“Many times we want to see ourselves in a certain way but we have not formed the skills and the practice to actually maneuver in that way yet.”

“The behavior and the gap is revealing something and it is giving a person a story about us even if we have a different story about us.”

“There is great satisfaction in knowing that who you are is who you are no matter where you are, no matter who you're with, no matter what situation comes up.”

If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need to hear it.

Join me over on Substack at The Better Question for more of what I'm thinking about and exploring. https://ajarutledge.substack.com/

To get in touch about the show: ajarutledgecoaching@gmail.com

Thank you for listening to The Reality Between Us.