Episode Details

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Amy Stone speaks with Allison Carmen about rebuilding life and identity after the abrupt end of a long-term marriage. Based in the heart of Greenwich Village, New York City, Allison shares her journey from being blindsided by divorce after 27 years of marriage to reinventing herself as a financially self-sufficient and resilient advocate for women. Listeners will learn about the emotional upheaval of unexpected change, the importance of financial and emotional independence, and how embracing uncertainty can help lead to a more authentic and empowered life.

About Allison Carmen:

An author, podcaster, TEDx speaker, COO/General Counsel of the Motherhood Center (NYC), Allison Carmen writes for many national publications including Salon.com, Katie Couric Media, Maria Shriver Sunday Paper, Psychology Today and more on various topics from finances to women’s health and more.

Main Topics Covered:

• Navigating the shock and aftermath of an unexpected divorce after 27 years of marriage.
• Building financial independence and addressing the risks of not pre-planning for uncertainty.
• The reality of co-parenting and supporting children through family upheaval.
• Why clinging to certainty can obscure our appreciation of life’s moments and derail personal growth.
• The value of maintaining hope, flexibility, and self-reliance through uncertain times.
• Challenges women face when stepping away or re-entering the workforce after prioritizing family.
• Societal messaging to young women about love, marriage, and practical planning for the unknown.
• Finding balance between open-heartedness and personal preparedness in relationships.

Quote from the Episode:

"When we cling to anything, we don't pay as much attention to it because we think we're always going to have it. ...People close their hearts so easily after pain, after disappointment. But if we could kind of live with the uncertainty and still love deeply, but always be able to take care of ourselves, I think that's the thing that I'm most concerned about." — Allison Carmen

Timestamps:00:00 – Introduction; Allison joins from Greenwich Village, NY01:18 – Discussing life in New York and generational identity02:55 – The moment Allison learned her marriage was ending06:46 – Processing shock, making choices after someone else’s decision09:53 – Life before the divorce: perceived wholeness, career, and family11:45 – Grappling with not seeing the signs and society’s discomfort with uncertainty14:50 – Any signs in hindsight? Learning to leave unanswerable questions behind18:35 – No financial pre-planning or prenup: why, and advice to younger women23:54 – Reconciling belief in forever with the need for practical independent planning26:06 – Luck, setbacks, and taking opportunities for reinvention after loss30:21 – Are younger women better prepared? Effects of societal narratives33:41 – Interpreting life data and statistics vs. living your own reality35:44 – The impact of divorce on children and prioritizing stability40:00 – Advice for one’s younger self: on love, self-reliance, and open-heartedness42:49 – How Allison’s life is different today: financial, emotional, and personal growth48:28 – Where to find Allison, her work, and personal recommendations51:33 – Lighthearted wrap-up: unsupervised online shopping and episode close

ABOUT THE SHOW: The Art of Imperfect Adulting shares authentic conversations with and for women about the choices and decisions that shape a life. These are the choices that nobody gives you an instruction book to handle. Topics include: career reinvention, divorce and starting over, caregiving for aging parents, getti