Episode Details

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Someone asked me: "How do I manage feelings of resentment towards a person while in the conversation and afterwards?"

When we feel out of control, or maybe we haven't actually said the thing or done the thing, we let it kind of slip, and then it gets worse. If I'm not saying it, I'm harbouring it, so resentment tends to build. I've learned to not respond when I'm feeling a big emotion, because it needs some time and space to be felt fully, so I practise generally not speaking and listening, and maybe I'd step away and sit with it.

I don't know the situation you're talking about, so I'm just trying to give different scenarios, and this is just me personally. I talk about how much truth there is in what they're saying, the things I haven't said, why we each have our own map of the world, the best time to say the thing, and what I do afterwards in meditation, asking for forgiveness, soul to soul.

In this episode

• Why resentment builds when we haven't said the thing, and why it may not be new
• Why I've learned to not respond when I'm feeling a big emotion, and what I do instead
• Stepping away and sitting with it, without pushing it down, swallowing it or numbing it
• Zooming out: how much truth is there in what they're saying, and what am I not seeing?
• Owning my decision, and going back to make it right
• My part, their part, and the things I haven't said
• My map of the world, their map of the world, and the head-on collisions
• The best time to say the thing, and why a conversation is two ways
• Our maps are different, and the healing conversations
• Asking for forgiveness, soul to soul, and when I can't respond to everything they say

Chapters

00:00 Resentment Builds When We Haven't Said the Thing

01:01 I've Learned to Not Respond When I'm Feeling a Big Emotion

02:55 Sit With It, Then Zoom Out: How Much Truth Is There?

05:09 My Part, Their Part, and the Things I Haven't Said

07:04 The Best Time to Say the Thing Is When You Can Express Clearly

08:29 Our Maps Are Different, and That's a Good Thing

10:02 Breathe and Listen, Then Ask for Forgiveness, Soul to Soul

11:29 When You Can't Respond: Sit With How Much of It Is True

Watch it on YouTube: https://youtu.be/OHeC2dO_Zrs

Read the full write-up: https://www.dylanayaloo.com/blog/podcast-ep66-resentment-during-a-conversation

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