Episode Details

You've gotten really good at "I'm fine." The smile at church. The wave in the parking lot. But what if the mask you're wearing is the very thing keeping you from being loved?

Survival Mode Breakthrough Coaching Session $47

Before we get into today's message, if you're worn out from holding it all together and you're ready to set some of it down, I'd love to sit with you. It's called the Survival Mode Breakthrough session. One hour, just you and me, for $47. No mask needed. Email me at info@r-arnold.com or call 970.279.1818.

The message

Friend, let me take you back. I was working on my master's. Kaden and Ava were small. From the outside, I probably looked like I had it all together. Mom, student, doing all the things.

Here's what it really looked like. It's midnight on a Friday. I'm writing a paper. I've got hours to go. And I am out of whipped topping for my coffee.

Small thing, right? But my neighbor drove up to our little gas station, the one that carries a little bit of everything. And then there was a knock on my back door. A can of whipped topping. I've never forgotten that knock.

My neighbor knew because I'd let them know. I didn't have the mask on. I was in community, and thank heavens I was.

In 1 Samuel 16:7, Samuel is looking over Jesse's sons. Tall. Strong. They look the part. And God says no. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.

God sees behind the mask. He always has. He knows the heart, and He stays. He does not leave us; we leave Him. You cannot be in community unless you share what's going on in your life. You cannot be in community unless you're willing to give and receive. Some of us are great at giving. Receiving the whipped topping is harder.

And you cannot be in community without saying no sometimes. If you missed last Sunday's episode on saying no, go back to episode 113.

The Mask

So let's talk about what that mask is made of, because nobody wakes up and decides to pretend. The mask gets built one belief at a time. If they really knew me, they wouldn't stay. I can't ask for help. I'm the strong one. My needs are a burden. I have to earn my place.

Those are self-limiting beliefs, and most of us picked them up so long ago, we think they're just the truth.

On Wednesday I told you about one I heard as a child. "If you can't do it right, don't do it at all." That sentence followed me for years. Maybe yours sounds different, but it does the same thing. It keeps you small, and it keeps you hidden.

2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. So we hold that belief up to Him and ask, Lord, is this true? Is this what You say about me? And friend, it isn't. He looked at the heart and chose the shepherd boy. He's looking at yours.

What's under the mask

Here's what I see in coaching. When a woman has worn the mask a long time, she can tell you what everyone else needs. Her husband. Her kids. Her church. Her boss. Ask her what she values, and she gets quiet.

That's what the mask costs us. We've lived by everyone else's expectations so long, we've lost track of our own values.

So in our first session, we start with a list of value words. You choose ten. Then we narrow it to three. And those three become your focus for the next ninety days.

Three words. They tell you what to say yes to. They tell you what to say no to. And they tell you who you are when nobody's watching.

When you know your values, you don't need the mask. You're not performing anymore. You're living from what God put in you.

Breathe, Pray, Move

So how do we take it off? The same way we do everything around here. Breathe, Pray, Move.

Breathe: you're already known. God saw the midnight version of you before anyone else did. The tired one. The one runni