Episode Details

Do women really want sex as much as men? Or have men and women been taught to think about sex so differently that we never really question the assumptions behind that question?

Zack and Josie take a surprisingly deep dive into the gender-specific messages they received growing up and discover how those messages may still be shaping their experiences in the lifestyle today. Girls are taught that boys just want sex and will do anything to get it—and that it's their job to protect themselves and not “give it up.” Boys, meanwhile, are taught that wanting sex is natural and that they have to “get it” from girls.

That creates a fundamental imbalance: one gender is taught to pursue sex while the other is taught to control access to it. And those messages don't necessarily disappear when people enter a committed relationship—or even when they enter the lifestyle.

Zack and Josie explore how those early lessons, along with the messages reinforced by television, movies and popular culture, can create expectations that men will always want sex and women won't. But what happens when you build a sexual relationship on that assumption?

As they challenge their own beliefs, Zack and Josie realize they may experience and think about sex very differently—not simply because they're a man and a woman, but because they were programmed with very different ideas about what sex means, who should want it, who should initiate it and what it says about you when you do.

The conversation gets raw, personal and unexpectedly revealing, with plenty of “aha” moments for both hosts. More importantly, they come away with new perspectives that could help them—and other couples—approach the lifestyle with more understanding, excitement, fulfillment and perhaps even more success.

If you've ever wondered why you and your partner seem to experience desire differently, this conversation may give you a completely different way to look at it—and help you understand what your partner may be thinking but never quite saying.

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(00:00:00) Messaging about sex is gender specific

(00:03:45) Girl on girl play

(00:06:49) Sex is penetrative sex to achieve male ejaculation

(00:09:27) Only have sex if you’re in love and if not, you’re a slut

(00:11:31) Biology won out over fear of judgment and shame

(00:17:17) Sex and the lifestyle

(00:21:03) Protection vs pursuit mindset

(00:26:35) Men want it more than women

(00:29:34) Sexual evolution

(00:32:46) Porn vs erotica

(00:36:14) Women like to be dominated

(00:39:57) Gender roles and sex

(00:44:40) How you navigate the lifestyle may determine your success

(00:50:34) Men and women view sex, even in the lifestyle differently

(00:55:53) A helpful change of perspective

(01:00:30) Differences between general society and the lifestyle

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