Episode Details

Ahdgh. 

SONA enters, clutching her left ribcage. 

She appears to have been STABBED. 

Don’t say stabbed. 

For all I know, that might happen. 

Fucking magical idiots. 

Imbiciles! 

You know what. You’re right. I’ll fix it, 

She is [quite obviously] WOUNDED. 

DAVID 

Sona! Hello. 

SONA 

Yeah. 

DAVID 

You look nice. 

SONA 

I always do. 

DAVID 

Except you have a little something on your— 

[he realizes her wound] 

DAVID 

Oh.

SONA 

Yeah. 

DAVID 

…should I ask, or?

SONA 

He stabbed me again. 

DAVID

—Conan?! 

SONA 

Who else would keep stabbing me?

DAVID 

You’re right.

SONA 

Could you— 

?

DAVID

Certainly. 

He exits, leaving SONA to her own accord; 

She removes a small wrap of sorts from a cabinet above the pantry, pulling with her teeth, before activating it, reaching for what appears to be a WAND before wrapping it around herself; she partially collapses on the counter and takes a sigh of relief, before pointing the wand briefly at her ailments; she only begins to heal barely when suddenly, she hears her employer— and magical companion— working his way in. 

She takes a sigh of dilapidated defeat, calling out. 

SONA

Ugh— don’t come in here! 

CONAN 

Are you serious? How long could this be taking? It’s just a stab wound.

SONA

I’m not ready for you yet. 

CONAN 

I would have thought for you to be halfway up the canyons by now. 

SONA 

— through the same place twice. 

CONAN 

What if I use my wand? Would that be making any difference? It’s quicker. 

SONA 

It is. 

CONAN 

So it’s settled then. 

SONA 

Well, go ahead then. 

CONAN 

—I don’t have it. 

SONA 

Then why did you say anything—?! 

CONAN 

I was just affirming it’s quickness. 

SONA 

Are you serious 

CONAN 

It is superior. 

SONA 

Forget it, I’m already finished. 

CONAN 

Well then—I guess I’m useless. 

SONA 

You’re an idiot. 

CONAN 

Did it leave a scar?

SONA 

Probably. Last time it did. 

CONAN looks at his CANE SWORD with a dignified approval. 

CONAN 

That is nice, then. Remind me to send a thank you gift for him. 

SONA 

I already did. 

CONAN 

(Scoffs) 

Well, that’s ironic; didja consider whether you’d be getting stabbed with it?

SONA 

[Yeah]

—I contemplated. 

CONAN

Go get cleaned up. 

You look disheveled. 

SONA just groans and raises herself from atop the counter. 

GORLEY enters with a boba tea. 

GORLEY 

He stabbed you again.

SONA 

Masterful observation. 

SONA exits, healed but, barely. 

GORLEY

I wish I had magic. 

CONAN 

Me too. Then I’d stab you. 

GORLEY giggles and sips his boba tea. 

GORLEY 

Well then, kinda glad I don’t.

CONAN quickly whips around and zaps him with his wand, oblitherating his BOBA TEA. 

CONAN 

(Mumbles smugly) 

Can’t fix that with magic. 

CONAN strides away.

GORLEY sighs. He is covered in delicious BOBA tea, however the BOBA has spread across the floor. DAVID returns and stands at the doorway. 

DAVID 

Oh. 

{Enter The Multiverse} 

“The Secret Life of Sona”

SUNNI BLŪ has just purchased a house nestled quaintly in the vacinity of former late night host CONAN O’BRIEN, and is alarmed that he is huge, has bright red hair, and can freq