Episode Details

Sometimes, it isn’t just the drinking that destroys trust in an alcoholic marriage.

It’s the lying.

Being told one thing while seeing and experiencing something completely different can leave you questioning everything. You may find yourself replaying conversations, looking for evidence, checking details, and wondering whether you can trust your own perception of what is happening in your home.

In Episode 56 of Wife On The Rocks, we talk about the erosion of trust caused by lying in active addiction—and why many wives eventually feel like the dishonesty has become even more painful than the alcohol itself.

We discuss why someone in active addiction may lie, minimize, hide, deny, or tell you what they think you want to hear. The lying may be directly connected to alcohol—how much they drank, whether they drank, where they were, or what happened—but it can also begin spilling into seemingly unrelated areas of life.

And eventually, nothing seems to add up.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why lying and addiction so often become intertwined

• The difference between direct lies about substance use and the countless indirect lies that can surround addiction

• How denial allows someone to continue believing—or insisting—that things really aren't that bad

• Why being repeatedly told something that contradicts what you're actually seeing can be so painful and disorienting

• How broken promises and being told what you want to hear slowly erode trust

• Why you may begin questioning everything when the story you're being given doesn't match your lived experience

• The painful reality that addiction can sometimes pull the spouse into dishonesty too—covering, making excuses, hiding what's happening, or giving other people explanations that aren't really true

• What happens in a marriage when you no longer know which version of reality you can trust

I know what it is like to think:

“Something isn't adding up.”

When what I thought was happening and what I was being told were two completely different things, I began questioning everything.

If you've experienced this, you may not simply be struggling with your husband's drinking. You may also be grieving the loss of something foundational to marriage: the ability to trust that what your spouse tells you is true.

This episode puts words to that experience and helps you begin separating what you are being told from what you are actually seeing, experiencing, and know to be true.

If you have a question about alcoholism, marriage, boundaries, parenting through addiction, recovery, or something you're experiencing in your own home, I'd love to hear from you.

Send your question to: Hello@wifeontherocks.com

Your question may be answered in a future episode of Wife On The Rocks.