Episode Details

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Feeling Powerless During Divorce? Start Here.

One of the most brutal parts of divorce is the feeling that someone else suddenly has control over your life.

Your spouse may seem to control the money. The schedule. The kids. The pace of the divorce. Your emotional state. Maybe even whether you have a good day or a completely disastrous one.

But feeling powerless and actually being powerless are not the same thing.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea sits down with former family law attorney and OurFamilyWizard Legal Liaison Nikol Sotos to talk about how to take your power back during divorce — especially when you’re dealing with a controlling or high-conflict ex.

Nikol explains that one of the biggest mistakes people make when they feel overwhelmed is giving away control without even realizing it — sometimes to their ex, and sometimes even to their own attorney. Your lawyer can advise you, protect you and help you make strategic decisions, but this is still your life.

And taking your power back does not mean becoming more aggressive.

It often means doing less.

Stop Reacting to Every Text

If your ex sends an inflammatory message designed to make you explode, the most powerful response may be no response at all — at least not immediately.

Andrea and Nikol talk about moving away from emotional reactions and toward strategic communication. Instead of firing back when your ex sends something infuriating, pause. Let your nervous system settle. Respond only to what actually requires a response.

Sometimes that response is simply:

“Thanks for the text.”

Or:

“Got it.”

Or nothing.

Because when someone is hoping to provoke you, refusing to give them the reaction they expect can change the entire dynamic.

Document Everything — Even If Your Divorce Isn’t High Conflict

Another unpopular opinion from Andrea: documenting is not just for ugly divorces.

Even an amicable divorce can change quickly.

A new partner enters the picture. Someone changes their position. A parenting disagreement e