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Why "Use Your Words" Doesn't Work: How Children Learn Emotional Language | Dr David Marcus
Description
"Use your words," we tell our children. But what if they don't have the words yet? In this Fail With Me conversation, clinical psychologist Dr David S. Marcus explains why emotional language is a skill that has to be built, not something children simply pick up, and how parents can build it with them.
Most of us parent the way we were parented, for better or worse. Dr Marcus has spent 40 years working with families under stress, and he unpacks what actually helps a child feel safe enough to talk to you. He covers what it means to be a "soothing presence" (someone who's okay when you're not okay), why a filled-up child can't hear even the calmest logical explanation, and how emptying out on three levels changes the conversation. There's also a story about an eight-year-old boy who described his anger as "volcano mad" or "eat-your-peas mad", and why using a child's own words matters more than using yours.
The conversation closes on identity and the teenage years: individuation, peer pressure, why parents will lose the power struggle, and why trust is built on predictability.
In this episode:
- Why emotional intelligence and resilience need to be defined, not just named
- The four assumptions behind every "Why did you do that?"
- Being a soothing presence when modern life keeps you stressed
- Building a common emotional language with your child and your partner
- Being "filled up" and the three levels of emptying out
- Common parenting mistakes that shut down emotional communication
- Helping teenagers make well-advised decisions without lecturing
ABOUT DR DAVID S. MARCUS
Dr David S. Marcus is a clinical psychologist with 40 years of experience treating families under stress. He is a sought-after clinical and legal resource in the Cincinnati area on parent–child communication and child advocacy. His work focuses on helping parents develop an effective emotional language with their children, with step-by-step strategies for each stage of child and teen development.
Website and podcast: https://parentrx.org
Email: dsmarcusphd@parentrx.org
ABOUT STORIES AND STANZA
Stories and Stanza is a podcast exploring creativity, resilience and the transformative power of human stories. Between the Lines features writers and creators; Fail With Me explores wellbeing, emotional intelligence and life's challenges.
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