Episode Details

Bob got sober at twenty-four, but AA's harder lesson came years later: he did not really want transformation - he wanted relief without surrendering the behaviors that were wrecking his sober life.

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Bob started drinking at fourteen, was diagnosed as alcoholic at nineteen, drank his way out of Notre Dame, and repeatedly watched each fresh start collapse. At twenty-four, frightened by another multi-day drunk, he called Alcoholics Anonymous and met two men at a diner who did not interview, diagnose, or instruct him; they simply shared their lives, and Bob recognized his own. He drank twice after entering AA, including a dangerous honeymoon relapse in Acapulco, but returned to meetings and stayed. Going to AA was easy for him. Living AA was not. Over the next several years, gambling, debt, anger, poor work habits, marital conflict, and harsh parenting followed him into sobriety while he quietly rebuilt the wall he had torn down as a newcomer. Around eight years sober, Bob discovered that he believed God could restore "us" to sanity but did not believe God could restore him. That second surrender changed his work, marriage, and parenting, but later success brought another problem: a period of "deep shallowness" in which money and status became his identity. After losing eight million dollars and facing a son's alcoholism at twenty-four years sober, Bob had to discover who he was without his wealth. His message after thirty-one years is that AA recovery is not merely mechanical and spiritual experience cannot live on yesterday's bread. Real transformation asks alcoholics to stop bargaining for relief, face the false self they are protecting, and move through the pain that opens the door to surrender.

Bob B. from St. Paul, MN speaking at the Sacramento Spring Fling in Sacramento, CA - February 13th 1999

Music: Deep by KaizanBlu