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Stressed About Parenting Your Teen? Reduce Perfectionism
Description
Are you trying so hard to be a good parent that you might be doing too much for your tween or teen, and accidentally making life harder for both of you?
In this episode of Parenting Teenagers Untangled, Rachel Richards talks with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Tara Porter about her new book "Good Enough" and why good enough parenting is actually the best kind of parenting.
Drawing on more than 25 years working in adolescent mental health, Tara explains how so many teens—whatever their diagnosis—secretly feel they are not “enough”: not clever enough, organized enough, pretty enough, or successful enough. She links this to a wider achievement-obsessed culture, fueled by:
- An education system caught in a “grade arms race”
- Social media’s like-and-kudos economy
- The professionalization of parenting and the tsunami of advice aimed at parents
Against this backdrop, Tara shares her three core principles of good enough parenting:
- A good enough attitude – Letting go of perfection, resisting the urge to optimize every aspect of your child’s life, and accepting that zigzags and setbacks are normal.
- Relationship-based parenting – Prioritizing connection over outcomes, being “like wallpaper” in the background: present, warm, and available without crowding them or trying to control everything.
- Firm and kind boundaries – Finding the balance between warmth and firmness (authoritative parenting), gradually letting go of authority through the teen years so that by adulthood, your child is guided by their own internal compass, not your rules.
Rachel and Tara explore:
- Rescuing vs building resilience
- Two common struggle patterns in teens
- The perfectionist achiever
- The rebellious non-complier
- How to set boundaries that still protect the relationship
- Better conversations with teens
Tara’s two key listening tools: - Empathy – stepping into your teen’s perspective, so they feel genuinely understood.
- Curiosity – asking open questions rather than jumping in with solutions.
- Rachel adds the idea of “LUFU – Listen Until they Feel Understood”, and both discuss why advice rarely lands until a teen first feels deeply heard.
- Mental health labels vs hope and growth
Rachel's personal blog on getting the balance right
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