St. Bernard of Clairvaux on Sorrow, Longing, and Remaining Open to God with Kris McGregor

About This Episode

In this episode of The Spiritual Journey for the Discerning Heart, Kris McGregor reflects with Saint Bernard of Clairvaux on Our Lady of Sorrows and the deeper spiritual meaning of sorrow.

Sorrow reaches far beyond bereavement. It can arise when a relationship is wounded, health or independence changes, someone we love takes a painful path, a long-held hope is lost, or life unfolds very differently from what we expected. Sorrow enters wherever love encounters something precious that has been changed, wounded, separated from us, or placed beyond our reach.

Saint Bernard draws attention to one striking word in describing the Blessed Mother at Calvary: she grieved “intensely.” Mary knew the promises of God and trusted him completely, yet that faith did not remove the pain of watching her Son suffer. Her sorrow flowed from the depth of her love.

In this sense, sorrow can become “love realized.” The ache reveals that something or someone truly matters. The heart continues to love and therefore continues to long for communion when that communion has been interrupted.

Saint Augustine’s words that the human heart remains restless until it rests in God help illuminate this experience. Our deepest longing is for communion with the Lord, and every authentic human love participates in that desire. Our Lady of Sorrows teaches us to bring our longing to God rather than allowing loss to close the heart in despair or bitterness.

Mary also offers practical spiritual direction for circumstances we cannot control. There are times when love calls us to seek healing, reconciliation, protection, or change. There are other losses we cannot simply undo. At the Cross, the Blessed Mother cannot remove Jesus’ suffering. Her fidelity consists in remaining near him and staying receptive to God within something she cannot change.

For the discerning heart, this invites honest prayer. What has been lost? What has changed? What is the heart longing for? Rather than denying those desires, we can bring them to Christ and ask Our Lady to help us carry sorrow in a way that remains open to grace.

Even at Calvary, Jesus entrusts John to Mary. John does not replace Jesus, and the Blessed Virgin is not asked to forget what has been lost. Yet her vocation to love continues. In the same way, sorrow can profoundly change a life without placing that life outside God’s providence.

Our Lady of Sorrows teaches us to honor what has been lost while remaining attentive to what God is giving now.

Discerning Hearts Reflection Question

1. What does the word sorrow mean in your life right now? Is there a relationship, hope, ability, circumstance, or person whose loss or change has left an ache in your heart?
2. Saint Bernard emphasizes that Our Lady sorrowed “intensely” while continuing to trust God. Have you ever assumed that deep sorrow meant something was wrong with your faith? What does the Blessed Mother teach you about that?
3. If sorrow is love encountering loss, what does your sorrow reveal about what you love and what your heart is longing for? Can you bring that longing honestly before the Lord?
4. Is your sorrow allowing you to remain open to God, or are discouragement, bitterness, or despair beginning to close your heart? What grace might you ask Our Lady of Sorrows to help you r