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He talks to everyone at the party.

Then you get in the car and he goes silent.

You ask a question. Nothing. You tell him about your day. Nothing.

And you start to wonder if every other woman in that room was prettier, or funnier, or more interesting than you.

Here's what I've learned after years of this work. Most men don't go quiet because they stopped caring. They go quiet because somewhere along the way, talking stopped feeling safe.

In this video, I break down the three things that get a man to open up again.

Stop the attack. Change the environment. Go first.

The first one is the hardest, because most women don't know they're doing it. There is a difference between a complaint and a criticism. A complaint is about behavior. A criticism is about character. One sounds like "I wish you'd talk to me the way you talk to them." The other sounds like "what is wrong with you." He hears the second one even when you meant the first.

Then he defends himself. Then you feel contempt. Then he stonewalls and stares at the floor and it's like you aren't even in the room. John Gottman called those the four horsemen, and they predict divorce with frightening accuracy.

The second thing is environment. Not the dinner table. Not the bedroom. Not the living room with the game on. Outside if you can manage it, because nature settles people down. Timing and place matter more than the words you pick.

The third thing is the one nobody wants to hear. Transparency breeds transparency. You go first. You tell the story about you. You stay open before he is, and then you wait, and you don't push.

And whatever you do, don't say "we need to talk." That shuts a man down before you've said anything at all.

I walk through all three, including what to do if you've already tried being open and he gave you nothing back.

He can talk to you. He just has to feel safe enough to do it.

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