Episode Details

"A toxic environment is a toxic environment, whether the parents are together or they're separate." That's not a divorce coach talking. That's Dave Kopeny — a former probation officer, school counselor, and sheriff's department investigator who now works as a private investigator specializing in families whose teenagers are struggling with substance use. And what he told Lisa in this conversation is something every parent navigating a high-conflict divorce or difficult co-parenting situation needs to hear: research shows an amicable divorce is actually better for a child's mental health than staying in a toxic marriage. The problem is, most of the people in our community don't have an amicable divorce. They have a toxic divorce and a toxic co-parenting situation — and that, Dave explains, is one of the heaviest burdens a child can carry, precisely because they have no control over it.

This episode goes far beyond drug facts and statistics. Dave draws a direct line between the conflict a child witnesses at home — whether inside a marriage or across two households — and their risk of turning to substances to cope with feelings they don't know how to name. He also speaks candidly to a dynamic so many BTGO parents live with every day: the co-parent who checks out entirely. Dave sees it often in his own work with families — usually a father who doesn't have day-to-day custody, is angry at his ex, and simply stops showing up. Dave's advice for the parent left holding it all is direct, practical, and free of judgment.

What You'll Learn:

✅ Why research shows an amicable divorce protects kids better than a toxic intact marriage
✅ How ongoing co-parenting conflict becomes a burden kids have no ability to control 
✅ What to do when only one parent is willing to engage with a struggling teen 
✅ Why you can't have a productive conversation with your child while you're dysregulated yourself 
✅ The specific behavioral changes Dave tells parents to document before confronting a teen 
✅ Why a mother's intuition about her child is worth listening to — and what Dave tells fathers about it 
✅ How to reframe a hard conversation as "you and your child against addiction," not you against your child 
✅ Why today's marijuana is a different, far more potent substance than the drug earlier generations knew 
✅ The "four eyes vs. two eyes" problem single parents face — and who to bring in when you can't partner with your ex 
✅ How to open a non-shaming conversation with a teen you're worried about, in under two minutes

About Dave Kopeny:

Dave Kopeny brings a rare, full-circle perspective to the world of adolescent substance use. He grew up in a household shaped by his father's alcoholism, later lost a brother to long-term addiction and a sister-in-law to a heroin overdose — experiences that shaped both his empathy and his career. Dave spent decades working directly with high-risk youth, starting as a juvenile probation officer in California, then serving as a school counselor, returning to intensive probation work, and later investigating for a sheriff's department. Today, as a private investigator, he specializes in helping families whose children are struggling with substance use disorder find their way toward lasting sobriety. He is the author of a book on adolescent addiction and founded a free online community where parents can learn the facts about teen substance use without cost or obligation.