Episode Details

What happens when the conflict between co-parents becomes the center of family life—and the kids get caught in the middle? In this episode, Sol sits down with Hallie Strauss and Kate Alcamo, co-founders of The Co-Parent Collective, to explore how parents can reduce conflict, protect their children’s emotional wellbeing, and build healthier post-divorce family dynamics.

Hallie brings the perspective of a psychologist, parenting coordinator, custody evaluator, and mediator who works with families navigating high-conflict dynamics. Kate is a licensed marriage and family therapist and child specialist who helps parents understand divorce from the child’s perspective. Together, they offer complementary insights into everything from parenting coordination and parallel parenting to communication, identity shifts, and the ways children experience parental conflict.

They discuss why “spouse mind” can keep parents stuck in old relationship dynamics, why parallel parenting can sometimes be a healthy stepping stone rather than a failure, and how one parent de-escalating can dramatically change the temperature of a co-parenting relationship. They also share practical communication strategies, including BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm), writing messages as though a judge—or your child—might read them, and using technology to create boundaries around difficult communication.

The conversation also explores AI and co-parenting, the growing role of parenting coordinators, when professional teams can help support families, and The Co-Parent Collective’s Child-Centered Divorce Playbook.

Links

• Learn more about the Co-Parent Collective: ⁠thecoparentcollective.com
• Follow the Co-Parent Collective on Instagram: ⁠@TheCoparentCollective
• BestInterest — the co-parenting app: ⁠BestInterest
• Get 10% off BestInterest: Use code Beyond10
• Coparenting Beyond Conflict: ⁠CoparentingBeyondConflict.com
• Subscribe to our newsletter to hear about new episodes and build community: https://bestinterest.app/subscribe-podcast/

Keywords

co-parenting, high-conflict co-parenting, divorce, parenting coordination, parenting coordinator, parallel parenting, collaborative parenting, child-centered divorce, child specialist, custody evaluation, co-parenting communication, BIFF communication, spouse mind, parent mind, emotional regulation, divorce and children, co-parenting apps, AI and co-parenting, identity shifts after divorce, conflict de-escalation, parenting plans

Key Takeaways

• Kids are affected more by how parents navigate divorce than by divorce itself. 
• Shift from spouse mind to parent mind. 
• Parallel parenting isn’t necessarily a failure. 
• You don’t have to engage in every conflict. 
• De-escalation can start with one parent. 
• Write every message as if someone else will read it. 
• BIFF can help keep communication focused: 
• Regulate before you respond.
• Children may know more than parents realize. 
• Children have their own divorce timeline.
• Parenting coordinators can provide structure and help keep professionals out of the conflict.
• Acceptance can be empowering. 
• When a child shares something alarming, start with validation. 
• Self-regulation and connection are powerful first steps. 

Chapter Highlights

00:00 — Welcome to Coparenting Beyond Conflict
01:04 — Finding Moments of Peace
02:10 — How Hallie and Kate Found Their Way Into Divorce Work
05:28 — What Does a Parenting Coordinator Do?
07: