Episode Details

When you’ve tried everything to help your child regulate, you may wonder what you’re missing. The real reason why I wrote The Dysregulated Kid and who it’s really for reveals a different path forward, guided by Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge’s expertise in Regulation First Parenting™ and emotional dysregulation in children.

When you’ve tried therapy, school supports, behavior charts, diets, books, and countless strategies—and your child still struggles—you may wonder, What am I missing? You’re not alone.

The reason why I wrote The Dysregulated Kid is about seeing behavior through the lens of nervous system dysregulation and finding a path forward.

Why does it feel like nothing I try is working with my child?

Many parents reach a point where they’ve tried everything but still feel stuck. They’re up at 2 a.m. Googling, worrying, and wondering how to help their child regulate—and sometimes wondering how to regulate themselves, too.

The problem may not be a lack of parenting strategies. It may be that the nervous system is too dysregulated for those strategies to work.

• Look beyond behavior alone.
• Consider what is happening inside your child’s nervous system.
• Remember: It’s not bad parenting—it’s a dysregulated brain.
• Start with regulation before expecting change.

What should I do when my child is so dysregulated that school becomes a crisis?

I remember the story of a child whose distress became so intense that school wanted him out. His family had tried therapy, reward charts, IEP meetings, occupational therapy, medication, books, and different schools.

The shift came when they stopped chasing behavior and started addressing regulation.

They changed the demands around him, worked on regulation, and focused on getting out of crisis before expecting bigger improvements.

🗣️ “We’re solving the wrong problem because we’re coming in with behavioral plans and behavior charts and all this other stuff.”

— Dr. Roseann

How can I tell if my child needs regulation instead of another parenting strategy?

A child may look defiant, resistant, shut down, or unable to cooperate when their nervous system is overwhelmed. As I recall in the story I mentioned, the child wasn’t simply refusing school—he was so distressed that he could barely eat during the school day.

Behavior is communication. Instead of immediately asking, How do I stop this behavior? ask, What is my child’s nervous system telling me?

• Look for patterns of overwhelm.
• Notice when demands become too much.
• Reduce unnecessary stress during a crisis.
• Regulate first, then teach and correct.

If you’re ready for practical tools to help yourself stay calm when your child is dysregulated, Quick CALM can help you build those skills.

How can I stop worrying that my child will never learn to regulate?

One of the biggest fears parents carry is, Will my child ever regulate? Stay hopeful: regulation is a skill that can be developed.

You don’t need to become a perfect parent. You need to become an “80% awesome” regulating parent who has a plan. The goal isn’t to eliminate stress. It’s to help the nervous system learn how to handle it.

• Regulate yourself first.
• Create more regulated spaces.
• Focus on connection and capacit