Episode Details

I’m sharing a link today to a Substack post by Shola Richards about the anatomy of an apology.

It’s so good, and it’s absolutely worth reading.

One part that stayed with me is the importance of centering the other person.

When we apologize, it can be tempting to focus on ourselves.

We mean well, but often we start by explaining what we meant or why we didn’t mean it. We might describe what we were going through, trying to prove that we’re a good person and are truly apologetic.

But a genuine apology isn’t about our intentions or our discomfort. It’s about the other person’s experience. A genuine apology sounds less like, “I’m sorry you took it that way,” and more like, “I understand that what I did hurt you.”

That shift matters.

But centering other people isn’t only something to do when we need to apologize. It’s also a powerful way to create genuine connections.

It means becoming curious about what someone else is experiencing instead of immediately relating everything back to ourselves. It means listening without rehearsing our response.

It means asking, “What do you need?” instead of assuming we already know.

It means allowing someone else’s feelings to be real, even when their experience is different from ours.

We all want to be heard, and valued, and understood. That’s something we can offer to each other in our conversations, not just after something has gone wrong.

So today, try centering someone else. Ask an extra question. Listen a little longer. Resist the urge to immediately offer advice or tell your own story.

You don’t have to solve anything.

Your full attention may be the most hopeful thing you can give.

Link to the full Substack post https://sholarichards.substack.com/p/the-courage-to-apologize/comments