Episode Details

What happens when a leader's ego is running the show without them even realizing it?

In this episode of FRIED. The Burnout Podcast, I'm joined by my longtime friend, leadership expert, and author Ewa Błaszczak to talk about her new book, The Leader and the Ego: The Path to Conscious Leadership. Ewa argues that we don't need to get rid of our egos. We need to become conscious of them, understand what they're trying to protect, and notice when they're making decisions for us.

We talk about the connection between leadership ego and employee burnout, why self-awareness becomes increasingly important as leaders gain power, and how unconscious patterns can show up as competition, scarcity, control, rescuing, victimhood, and plenty of unnecessary workplace drama.

And yes, Ewa gives us a remarkably simple place to start: notice your thoughts and ask who's listening. In other words, metacognition. The practice is simple. Doing it consistently is another story.

In this episode, we cover:

• What ego actually means and why Ewa doesn't believe we should try to eliminate it
• How unconscious ego can affect leadership, team performance, and burnout
• Why thinking you're self-aware and actually being self-aware aren't necessarily the same thing
• Internal vs. external self-awareness
• How fear, scarcity, competition, comparison, and control can quietly drive leadership behavior
• Why managing your own ego is part of the responsibility of leadership
• How gaining power can make honest feedback harder to get
• Why leaders sometimes create problems by constantly stepping in to solve them
• How hyper-independence and other patterns can shape what irritates us about other people
• How to recognize when your own ego has entered the conversation
• Why Ewa's ultimate goal for workplaces is surprisingly simple: less drama

One of my favorite ideas from this conversation is that self-awareness isn't about identifying everything that's wrong with you. It's about becoming aware enough of what's happening internally that you have more choices about what happens next.

As Ewa explains, we aren't trying to destroy the ego. We're trying to notice when it's driving. Because an unconscious ego can spend an enormous amount of energy thinking, protecting, analyzing, preparing, fighting, accumulating, planning, and comparing.

For leaders, that internal work doesn't stay internal. Your behavior affects the people around you. And when no one feels safe enough to tell you that you have metaphorical spinach in your teeth, an outside perspective can become especially valuable.

The goal isn't an ego-free leader. It's a leader who can notice their ego, get curious about what it's doing, and make a more intentional choice.

Quotes

"Make the unconscious conscious, because otherwise your ego will literally kill you, your productivity, your teams, and it will make you waste your life." (5:48 | Ewa Błaszczak)

"It turns out only 10% of us are conscious. It does not mean we have it all figured out, but we know what is going on." (7:58 | Ewa Błaszczak)

"If you want to get rid of your ego, it means you want to die. You do not want to die. You want to get to know it, like a scared inner child." (11:00 | Ewa Błaszczak)

"Ninety five percent of the things that ego is afraid of will never happen. So we lose our lives like that." (14:39 | Ewa Błaszczak)

"I asked my husband, why am I even writing this book? He said, because unhealthy ego hurts people." (24:16 | Ewa Błaszczak)

"The higher you get in the corporate ladder, the less the leaders are conscious, and the more the ego is playing the power game." (31:40 | Ewa Błaszczak)

"Nobody is going to tell the leader they have spinach in their teeth. But somebody has to." (33:1