Episode Details

Drs. John and Julie Schwartz Gottman have followed 3,000 couples, some of them for twenty years, second by second, and in this conversation Shan brings them something that research was never designed to answer: what happens to a generation that has decided love isn't available to them, and has built community around that belief instead? 

Julie's answer is that those groups are writing each other a prescription for how to stay alone, and she says it with a tenderness that's hard to argue with. From there the three of them get into why criticism sabotages the exact thing you were trying to be heard about, why listening to a woman's anger is one of the strongest predictors of a relationship improving over time, and what John pulls out of his back pocket every time Julie says the four most terrifying words in the English language. 

This one is for anyone who has started to suspect that being right about dating and being loved are not the same project.

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