Episode Details
Back to Episodes"Why I think polyamory is net negative for most people who try it" by KatWoods
Published 2 weeks, 6 days ago
Description
This is crossposted from my Substack
TL;DR:
-Most people cannot reduce jealousy much or at all
- It fundamentally causes way more drama because of strong emotions, jealousy, no default norms to fall back to, and there being exponentially more surface area for conflict
- For a small minority of people, it makes them happier, and those are the people who tend to stick with it and write the books on it, creating a distorted view for newcomers.
OK, let's get into the nuance.
Background: I was polyamorous starting with my first boyfriend and was polyamorous for about 7 years. I was in a community where probably over 50% of the people around me were poly.
Unfortunately, poly was extremely bad for me due to its very nature and structure, and my experience is not uncommon but it is not commonly publicly talked about.
Poly makes some people very happy. I am sharing why I think it was bad for me and many other people in the hopes of letting people make an informed choice.
Premise #1 - Most people can't just stop being jealous
If you look into the poly literature, you’ll [...]
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First published:
August 29th, 2026
Source:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/rkgwovpPBAaip9A3N/why-i-think-polyamory-is-net-negative-for-most-people-who
---
Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.
---
TL;DR:
-Most people cannot reduce jealousy much or at all
- It fundamentally causes way more drama because of strong emotions, jealousy, no default norms to fall back to, and there being exponentially more surface area for conflict
- For a small minority of people, it makes them happier, and those are the people who tend to stick with it and write the books on it, creating a distorted view for newcomers.
OK, let's get into the nuance.
Background: I was polyamorous starting with my first boyfriend and was polyamorous for about 7 years. I was in a community where probably over 50% of the people around me were poly.
Unfortunately, poly was extremely bad for me due to its very nature and structure, and my experience is not uncommon but it is not commonly publicly talked about.
Poly makes some people very happy. I am sharing why I think it was bad for me and many other people in the hopes of letting people make an informed choice.
Premise #1 - Most people can't just stop being jealous
If you look into the poly literature, you’ll [...]
---
First published:
August 29th, 2026
Source:
https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/rkgwovpPBAaip9A3N/why-i-think-polyamory-is-net-negative-for-most-people-who
---
Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.
---
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