Episode Details

Ask Us A Question

You already said you were sorry. You meant every word of it. And they're still sitting there closed up like you never opened your mouth.

I get this question constantly. I've made a mess, it's my fault, and I can't get my person to turn around and hear me. So today I'm not answering how to apologize, or even how to apologize better. You already know how to say I'm sorry. What I want to answer is why it doesn't land, and the reason is specific. Most of us apologize for the wrong thing entirely. Not the wrong words. The wrong thing.

I'll walk you through the six steps I take my private clients through, the same ones Tom and I use on each other. I snapped at him in the car over nothing and we had it cleaned up in about 20 seconds. In my previous marriage that same moment would have cost us the whole weekend. Tom tells on himself in here too, about a dinner he said he'd come to and didn't.

Two things to listen for. There's one sentence that opens the door before you apologize at all, and it ends with a one-word question that decides whether they can even hear the rest. And there's a last step almost everybody skips, the one that takes an apology from finished to actually over. If you've heard this episode before, that's the part to stay for.

Press play before the next round of that same fight.

A Quick Note

We're a few weeks into bringing back the episodes you've downloaded the most while we're in Tuscany, Italy, leading our very first international relationship retreat. Brand-new episodes are back mid-September.

Resources & Links

Better Love Quiz: 22 questions, about 5 minutes, free and completely private. Find out which skill is missing. https://betterlovequiz.com

Private session with Staci: real help cleaning up a mess that's bigger than a car ride. https://stacibartley.com/private-sessions

Clarity call: not sure where to start? The average couple waits six years to get help. Don't do that. https://stacibartley.com/apply

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Love isn't enough, but skills are. Learn them, practice them, and live them today.

Okay, but is my relationship actually in trouble?

If you’ve ever listened to Love Shack Live and wondered that, Staci wrote Is My Marriage Dead? for you. It won’t tell you to stay or leave. It will help you figure out what you’re actually looking at, what real repair requires, and what to do when the most honest answer you have right now is I don’t know.

$9 digital guide. Start reading today