Episode Details

If you’re doing EVERYTHING in your relationship and starting to resent the hell out of your partner for it…we need to talk. You’re the one who notices. Remembers. Plans. Worries. Follows up. Makes sure things actually happen. And after a while, it stops feeling like we’re in this together and starts feeling like: Why am I the only one who cares? I’ve been a marriage counselor for over twenty years, and I can tell you: this dynamic can get ugly. Because underneath the arguments about dishes, schedules, kids, errands, and who was supposed to do what is something much more painful: If you really loved me, why would you let me carry all of this alone? That’s why I invited sociologist Dr. Leah Ruppanner, author of Drained, to join me for a very real conversation about mental load, resentment, and how to create a relationship that actually feels balanced again. And some of what she shared surprised me. Because the solution may not be getting your partner to do more. It may not be splitting everything 50/50. And some of the things you’re doing to make your relationship more equitable could actually be keeping you stuck. You’ll discover: Why does the mental load turn into such intense resentment? What’s really happening when you feel like you’re the only one who cares? Why can asking your partner to “just help more” backfire? What if 50/50 isn’t actually the healthiest goal? Are you unknowingly making it harder for your partner to step up? And how do you change this dynamic when your partner isn’t changing? If you’re exhausted from carrying your relationship (and even more exhausted from being angry about it), listen to this before you have the same fight again. Xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Growing Self Special thanks to this month’s sponsors of the podcast: Shopify —  Every self-made person started somewhere. Yours starts free at shopify.com/lhs Quince — Quality products you’ll actually use that feel like luxury without the price tag. Get free shipping and 365-day returns at ⁠quince.com/lhs⁠ Skylight — Stay connected with the people you love through beautiful digital calendars and photo frames designed for real family life. Learn more at skylightcal.com/lhs.