Episode Details

She's successful. She's put together. She seems like she doesn't need anyone. So why does dating still feel impossible for her — and why does she seem so hard to get close to?

The men we work with are almost always intensely curious about what life is like on the "other side." What do single women contend with? What are their biggest dating, sex, and relationship challenges? Here, Violet breaks down 3 top issues frequently faced by single women — the ones most men never clock, because women have gotten so good at hiding them.

We get into why the most "together," successful women are often the most terrified of being seen, and what that has to do with whether she actually notices you making eye contact across the room.

We dig into the hot-and-cold thing — why it happens, why it almost never has anything to do with you, and why the woman across from you at dinner may be carrying more than she's ever said out loud.

And we unpack the unconscious dating pattern nearly every long-single woman is repeating without knowing it — the one Violet says she couldn't see either, until someone lovingly pointed it out.

Plus: the bar story about the guy who approached a whole circle of women, and what has changed in Violet's own marriage after over a decade together.

If you've ever felt like you couldn't figure out how to "get in" with a woman who seems to have it all together — or you're partnered with a woman who runs hot and cold — this one could fundamentally change how you see her.

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Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Mentioned on this episode:

• Love Harmonics (Violet's 6-week, $69 program on breaking unconscious dating patterns; open to all genders): [https://violetlange.com/loveharmonics/?affiliate_code=5b90a8]
• Episode 153: Her Sexual Healing: How to Support Her and Get Your Needs Met (ft. Violet Lange)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "The flower opens and the bee appears. Not, the bee comes by knocking on the door, and then the flower decides to open."
• "I want to be seen for all of who I am, and not just in my need."
• "It fucking works! It really works!"
• "I now have soul-shaking sex with my husband... and we've been together 11 years."
• "Your happily ever after starts with you — it's not up to fate, it's not up to some meet-cute. It's really an inside job."