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Episode 173 - The Motivational Triad: Why Avoiding the Hard Conversation Feels So Good
Description
Is there a difficult conversation you know you need to have but keep putting off? You may have noticed that every time you decide to wait, you feel a little better even though you’re avoiding something you actually want to do. That relief is real, and in this episode, we’re breaking down the motivational triad and why people-pleasing and avoiding conflict can feel so good in the short term, even when they’re creating results you don’t want. Because once you understand what’s happening, you can start practicing a different response: having the hard conversation instead of dropping hints that something is wrong, waiting for the other person to change, or continuing to endure a situation you don’t want to be in. Here’s what I cover:
- A framework called the motivational triad that describes the three things human beings are strongly motivated to do: seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy
- Why knowing something isn’t working long-term doesn’t erase the short-term reward
- How overthinking can become another way of avoiding discomfort while making you feel like you’re solving the problem
- What it looks like to have compassion for your brain while you learn a new way of responding
- Why the capacity to tolerate discomfort and take care of yourself matters more than false certainty that a difficult conversation will go well
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