Episode Details

In this episode, we're joined by Andrew Akuruka, author of The Gay Blueprint, for an honest and at times challenging conversation about gay identity, masculinity, race, sex and the expectations we place on ourselves and each other.

Andrew opens up about knowing he was gay from a young age, but only coming out to his Nigerian mum decades later. He reflects on growing up around religion, fearing that his mum’s love might be conditional and the unexpectedly emotional moment that followed when he finally told her he was gay.

We also unpack Andrew’s complicated relationship with masculinity and what it means to be both Black and gay. From feeling like he didn't fit traditional stereotypes of gay men, to questioning whether he was performing masculinity to protect himself, Andrew explains how becoming a father and confronting his own ideas around gender helped him start unlearning some of those expectations.

The conversation then turns to dating and fetishisation within the gay community. Andrew talks about being desired as a masculine Black man, the stereotypes attached to Black men sexually and the moment he realised there was a difference between being wanted and actually being known.

Finally, things get a little more heated as we debate hookup culture, sex positivity, self-love, accountability and whether the gay community needs to rethink some of the behaviours we've normalised. 

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