Episode Details

A little boy told his therapist what happens to his tears when he's not allowed to cry: "They go down into my tummy, they turn into rocks, and then they come right back out and I throw them around the room."

Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst is a licensed psychologist who has spent 30 years in the room with boys — and with the grown men those boys become. Her argument is simple: you can't give your son permission you've never given yourself.

In this conversation we explore men's work and why the emotional range boys are born with gets narrowed by infancy — not by nature, but by us. We get into what's actually happening inside a boy the first time he's told to stop crying, why suppressed emotion resurfaces as rage, addiction, and physical illness in grown men, why teenage boys are drawn to influencers like Andrew Tate and trends like T-maxing when no one else is offering them significance, and the simple emotional healing tool — a feelings sheet, taped to the fridge — that can change how a family actually talks to its sons.

This is why men die roughly ten years younger than women, why the secondary emotions of unprocessed feeling fill our jails and end half our marriages, and what it actually takes to raise a boy who doesn't have to swallow his tears.

If this conversation moved something in you, a rating or review helps more people find this work. Martin's book, The Weary Traveller's Guide to a Life Worth Living, is available now.