Episode Details

There is a particular loneliness in growing up somewhere everybody knows your name and nobody knows you. Wayne was sixteen in a small country school in Floyd, New York, at the height of the AIDS epidemic, learning early what to hide and carrying it entirely alone.

This conversation moves from that silence to what came after: coming out at thirty-three, a family that met him with acceptance, a marriage, two sons, and the slow work of stepping out of an introvert's shell at sixty. Tender, honest, and hopeful without pretending the road was short.

Content note: this episode includes a brief reference to Wayne's teenage thoughts that he might be better off not existing, shared in the context of looking back.

ABOUT THE GUEST:

Wayne Hesler-Mondore grew up in Floyd, New York, and lives in central New York, near Cooperstown. He runs HM Print and Design LLC and hosts his own podcast, Tango Talks, and once ran a youth group in Utica supporting young people navigating coming out.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• In 1980s rural America, silence was not a choice but the only apparent option.
• Fear of being disowned shaped everything, at a time when many young people were.
• Twenty years after graduating he learned five other classmates were also gay.
• Being an introvert deepened the isolation. He is still working on it at sixty.
• Travel still requires a safety conversation before deciding where to go.
• He respects faith deeply while naming how scripture gets used as a weapon.
• If it were a choice, he asks, who would choose to be beaten and battered.
• What he would tell young Wayne: you are not alone here, and it works out.

CONNECT WITH THE GUEST:

Website: https://hmprintdesign.com

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/hmprintdesign/

His podcast: Tango Talks

He is open to one-to-one conversations with anyone navigating this, and is easy to find by searching his name or HM Print and Design

EPISODE CHAPTERS:

[00:00] Welcome to Mind Over Masculinity: the loneliness of being known but not seen (approx.)

[02:00] Sixteen in Floyd, New York, at the height of the AIDS epidemic (approx.)

[05:00] A Catholic upbringing and the fear of being disowned (approx.)

[08:30] Introversion, isolation, and the events he drove to and turned around from (approx.)

[12:00] The reunion revelation: five other gay kids, none of them knowing (approx.)

[15:00] Where it is still not safe, and the conversation before every trip (approx.)

[19:00] Faith, respect, and how belief gets turned into a weapon (approx.)

[24:00] Coming out at thirty-three, a family without prejudice, and food as connection (approx.)

[28:00] What he would tell the boy in Floyd, and where to find Wayne (approx.)

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