Episode Details

She found out she was a carer from a line buried in her dad's hospital discharge papers, not from anyone asking her. This week's guest lived the exact crisis she'd spent her career trying to fix.

Content note: this episode discusses the deaths of both of the guest's parents within six months of each other, terminal illness, carer burnout, grief, and systemic failures in aged care support. For support: Carer Gateway 1800 422 737. Griefline 1300 845 745. Lifeline 13 11 14, 24/7.

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In this episode:
The Conversation: Gohar Yazdabadi, CEO of Council on the Ageing (COTA) NSW, joins Sarah Macdonald to talk about losing both her parents within six months of each other this year, her father to a brain tumour and stroke, her mother to ovarian cancer and leukaemia, while raising two young daughters and running a full-time advocacy organisation. She didn't realise she was a carer until a hospital discharge note said "daughter is experiencing extreme carer stress." Covers the year-long wait for an approved home-care package that meant her dad couldn't be safely discharged from hospital, being refused compassionate-grounds after-school care, and the administrative burden, estates, probate, emptying a 35-year family home, that continued after both deaths.

This Week's Hack: If a system, a form or a person finally names what you're carrying, whether it's "carer stress" or something else, let that be the moment you ask for help, even if it feels too late or too small. The acknowledgement doesn't change anything on its own, but it's permission to stop pretending you're fine.

Send this to: anyone juggling two ageing parents at once, or anyone who's ever had their caring role questioned or dismissed by a system that's meant to help.

A moment that stays: "No part or period of a relationship makes that relationship or defines that relationship," Gohar says. The hardest twelve months of caring for her parents wasn't what defined her whole relationship with them, and she's consciously working to remember the joy, not just the crisis.

Meet the regular Clubbers:
Melissa Reader — CEO of Vera and expert on Australia's ageing crisis.
Jo Lamble — Clinical psychologist specialising in guilt and family dynamics.
Dr Ginni Mansberg — GP and women's health advocate.
Dr Stephanie Ward — Geriatrician helping you understand the ageing brain.
Kerry Milligan — Gogglebox star bringing humour and honesty.

About Gohar Yazdabadi: CEO, Council on the Ageing (COTA) NSW, the peak advocacy body for older people in NSW. Also this week: Gohar features in an ABC Compass special on the sandwich generation, presented by Sarah Macdonald, airing this weekend 8-9 Aug 2026 (on iView after).

Put The Kettle On, Vera's free conversation guide: the five questions worth asking your ageing mum or dad, at putthekettleon.com.au.

Our FACES campaign: Last year, 4,812 older Australians died waiting for the aged care they'd already been approved for, about 13 a day. Vera started FACES to count the people waiting, and count the ones we lose, every quarter, published. If you're sitting in that wait with your mum or dad right now, add your name at vera.guide/faces.

This episode was supported by Australian Unity, home health and care services: australianunity.com.au/clubsandwich.

With thanks to NSW Trustee and Guardian. Search NSW Trustee and Guardian, or call 1300 10 20 30.

Vera is your candid companion as you care for an ageing parent. Have a look at https://vera.guide.

Credits:
Sarah Macdonald – Host + Executive Producer
Melissa Reader – Commissioning Editor, Executive Producer + Clubber
Justin