Episode Details

We spent a week this summer at a lake house in Colorado with my husband's family and mine. By the end of the trip I noticed I was still enjoying it in a way that would have been out of reach for me a decade ago, and the difference had quite a bit to do with a skill I've been building through the work I teach.

That skill is at the center of today's episode.

It comes down to noticing a thought as it shows up, rather than becoming it. It's the same skill that keeps founders from being ruled by the three most common stories I hear:

• "I'm not doing enough"
• "I don't know what to do"
• "I don't have enough time"

Each one sounds like an explanation and produces the opposite of the result we say we want. I walk through where each story comes from and the specific move that helps you loosen its grip on your day.

If you're a founder trying to break through the next revenue ceiling, or a leader whose day has been getting spent by a story you didn't consciously choose, this episode gives you a framework for noticing the story before it makes the decision for you.

Key Takeaways

• Steven Hayes' concept of cognitive fusion explains why "I don't have enough time" stops registering as a thought and starts feeling like reality. Creating a small linguistic distance from the thought is the first move out of the loop.
• The story "I'm not doing enough" survives because "enough" stays blurry. When you define what "enough" looks like today, the shame spiral turns into an action plan.
• Confusion is usually the brain negotiating for a guarantee that no consequential decision can offer. The way out is to commit to a choice for a defined period so you can evaluate what it produced, rather than what it might produce.
• Self-criticism produces short bursts of action fueled by pain, and pain is not sustainable fuel. Kristin Neff's research on self-compassion points to accountability without shame as a more reliable engine for consistent action.
• The compounding effect of using ten-minute pockets well is larger than the mythical two-hour block used never. A better question than "do I have enough time" is "with the time I have, what can I move forward."

Memorable Quotes

"It's not about making the right choice, but about making a choice and then making that choice the right one."

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