Episode Details

Want Your Ex to Behave Better? Try This Instead

🎧 Divorce Crash Course (DCC)

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Episode Description

It may sound completely backwards, but sometimes the fastest way to improve your co-parenting relationship is to thank your ex.

No, this isn't about pretending they're Parent of the Year. It's not about rewarding bad behavior or forgetting everything they've put you through. It's about understanding something surprisingly simple: people tend to repeat behaviors that are acknowledged.

In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea explains why a genuine "thank you" after your co-parent does something thoughtful, flexible, or simply doesn't make your life harder can change the tone of your relationship. From switching weekends without a fight to communicating well about the kids, small moments of appreciation can reinforce the behaviors that make co-parenting easier for everyone.

If your goal is raising healthy kids—not winning against your ex—this simple mindset shift could make your divorce a little less stressful.

In This Episode

• Why positive reinforcement works on adults, too
• The psychology behind encouraging better co-parenting
• Why appreciation doesn't mean approval
• When you should (and shouldn't) thank your co-parent
• How one sentence can reduce conflict
• Why the goal is healthy kids—not keeping score
• How changing the tone of communication benefits everyone
• Why kindness can be a surprisingly effective co-parenting strategy

Key Takeaways

• You don't have to like your ex to reinforce good behavior.
• Appreciation is different from excusing past behavior.
• Positive reinforcement can encourage healthier communication.
• Your kids benefit when co-parenting becomes less adversarial.
• Sometimes the strongest strategy is changing the tone—not escalating the conflict.
• Small moments of kindness can create meaningful shifts over time.

Memorable Quotes

"We repeat positive behaviors that get acknowledged."

"This isn't being weak. This is strategy."

"The goal isn't to win against your ex. The goal is to raise healthy kids."

"You don't need to write them a haiku. Just say thank you."

Resources Mentioned

• Divorce Crash Course (DCC)
• OurFamilyWizard
• Soberlink
• Divorce Guided Meditations (Coming Soon)
• How Not to Suck at Divorce Community

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