Episode Details

In this episode Malcolm and Simone discuss two massive bestsellers that took the Spanish-speaking world by storm: Marry and Be Submissive (for women) and its companion Lay Down Your Life for Her (for men). Written by Catholic author Costanza Miriano, the books became instant #1 hits — then faced years of protests, public book burnings, political demands for withdrawal, and accusations of promoting “violence against women.”

We examine the actual content (far milder than the outrage suggests), the deliberate mistranslation of “mortification,” the biblical framework from Ephesians 5, and why the message resonates with so many women. We also break down where we agree with the books, where we culturally diverge, and what the hysterical reaction reveals about the urban monoculture’s elevation of personal hedonic desire as the highest good.

Topics include complementary (not identical) roles, the redefinition of submission as strong foundation rather than doormat, the crisis of male passivity, why pure democracy in marriage backfires, love as decision rather than feeling, and the healthiest framing of family as a shared “Firm” or clan with collective goals that supersede individual preference.

Episode Transcript

[00:00:00] Malcolm Collins: Hello, Simone. I’m excited to be here with you today. Today, we are going to be talking about a couple books that became bestsellers in the Spanish-speaking world, particularly in Spain, and caused a huge controversy. So-

[00:00:13] Simone Collins: Like just now? Like in 2026?

[00:00:15] Malcolm Collins: Actually, they were released in 2011 and they have increased almost immediately they became the top seller on Amazon.

[00:00:22] And then they they’ve been increasingly trying to ban them for a really long time. They’ve been try- doing these big things where they walk around town and rip them apart.

[00:00:30] And you’ll understand why when you hear their name.

[00:00:32] Simone Collins: Walk around town and rip them

[00:00:34] Malcolm Collins: apart ... the, the name of the first book, which is for women and is popular amongst women, it’s not like unpopular amongst men, is called Marry and Be Submissive.

[00:00:42] And women apparently really like this book. And then the second book, which is for men, and surprisingly people haven’t been protesting, is Lay Down Your Life for Her. And the- It’s so good ... they’re, they’re written as a, as a comp- I also love it too, like w- they’re like, oh, what’s asked of women in the women’s book, first of all, though you’re like, “Oh, it’s abusive.”

[00:01:03] I, I, I looked into it as much as I could. Nowhere in the book is abuse mentioned anywhere, but they act as if the book is promoting physical abuse simply because it asks women to be s- to submit to their husbands as the Bible says. This is a very Catholic book written by Catholics. And I’m, what I wanna take this episode to do is to, one, go over the key points of the book to- Hmm

[00:01:25] sort of, better understand the message it’s trying to convey, why this is resonating with so many women in these countries. Okay. And then go over well, and while we’re doing it, go over where I disagree. And I’d actually say that most of the areas I d- or no, literally all of the areas in which I disagree with the book, it is a mere cultural disagreement about the role of women in a family.

[00:01:48] Oh. Which in Catholic culture is simply more submissive than it is in the, the various cultural traditions of the United States. Okay. So, th- that, that’s what we’ll go into.

[00:01:59] A side note, by the way, the woman who wrote this is both very pro-natalist, she has a lot of kids, and she appears to be a really sweet person

[00:02:08] Speaker: my four children, I’m at lesson number two. So the cat i