Episode Details

What happens when you wake up one day and realise you've lost yourself inside your relationship?

In this deeply honest conversation, Amanda Lim and Jasmin Dhillon sit down with relationship and divorce coach Cheryl Kennedy McDonald to unpack the invisible process of identity loss in long-term relationships. From self-concept erosion and trauma bonds to gaslighting, narcissistic abuse and the emotional reality of divorce, this episode explores why so many women stay, how toxic relationship patterns develop, and what it truly takes to rebuild your sense of self.

Cheryl explains why leaving isn't simply about willpower, how childhood experiences shape the relationships we accept, and why healing requires far more than just moving on. Whether you're navigating divorce, questioning your relationship, supporting a loved one, or simply wanting to understand the psychology behind these patterns, this conversation offers practical insights with compassion and clarity.

Chapters

00:00 – When you no longer recognise yourself

01:03 – Meet relationship coach Cheryl Kennedy McDonald

02:38 – What is self-concept erosion?

04:16 – Healthy change vs losing yourself

06:38 – Healthy conflict vs toxic conflict

06:50 – Why women stay in unhealthy relationships

08:07 – Trauma bonds explained

09:52 – What gaslighting actually looks like

12:15 – How to break free from a toxic relationship

14:01 – Understanding narcissistic personality disorder

17:02 – Love bombing and the dopamine cycle

19:44 – Co-parenting with a narcissist

22:06 – Male vs female narcissists

24:06 – Divorce, grief & rebuilding your identity

28:10 – Learning to be comfortable alone

30:42 – Healing after divorce & dating again

34:23 – Can narcissists ever change?

36:22 – Sponsor: Love Indus

37:18 – Practical steps to rebuild your life after divorce

39:07 – How relationship stress affects your body

41:00 – Can a narcissist have a healthy relationship?

43:22 – Cheryl's Forties Formula

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About your hosts:

Amanda Lim is a Metabolic Health Coach and Director at The Lift Clinic in Singapore, focused on helping women build strength and long-term metabolic health.

Jasmin Dhillon is an Integrated Health Strategist helping women in their 40s manage health through lifestyle interventions across gut health, hormones and nutrition.

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