Episode Details

Divorce Cyberstalking: What to Do If You Think Your Ex Is Watching You Online

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Cyberstalking during divorce can make you feel unsafe, paranoid, unsteady, and completely overwhelmed.

But here’s the thing: sometimes what feels “crazy” is actually a real digital safety issue.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and Morgan L. Stogsdill are joined by Steven Bradley, a former FBI task force leader, cybersecurity expert, domestic violence specialist, and cyberstalking educator, to talk about what to do if you think your ex is watching, tracking, monitoring, or digitally harassing you during divorce.

And yes — this episode is scary.

But more importantly, it is actionable.

Steven explains that cyberstalking is often easier than people realize because many exes already know your passwords, security question answers, shared devices, family routines, Wi-Fi setup, smart home devices, and personal information. Cyberstalking is not always some dramatic hacker-in-a-hoodie situation. Sometimes it is access to your Amazon Alexa, Ring doorbell, Nest thermostat, pet camera, cloud account, location sharing, shared passwords, or old devices.

In other words: your ex may not need to “hack” you if they already have access.

Terrifying? Yes.

Useful to know? Also yes.

In this episode, we cover:

• How cyberstalking can show up during divorce
• Why many people dismiss early warning signs as “coincidences”
• How smart home devices can be used to monitor or harass someone
• Why shared passwords and security questions are a major risk
• What to do if you think your ex has access to your phone, email, cloud, or devices
• Why you should not delete suspicious messages or evidence
• How to create a timeline of cyberstalking concerns
• When to tell your divorce attorney
• Why co-parenting apps can help protect communication
• How VPNs, multi-factor authentication, and anti-malware tools can help
• Why public Wi-Fi can be risky
• What parents should know about children’s apps, gaming, and Discord
• Why taking action can lower paranoia and help you feel safer

First signs of cyberstalking during divorce

Cyberstalking can start small.

You may notice:

• strange text messages
• anonymous calls or emails
• your ex showing up where you are
• smart home devices acting strangely
• lights, thermostats, or cameras changing unexpectedly
• unfamiliar apps on your phone
• login alerts
• odd account activity
• someone seeming to know things they should not know

Steven explains that many offenders start with small behaviors and escalate when they feel they can get away with it. That is why it is important not to dismiss everything as coincidence, especially during a high-conflict divorce or custody battle.

What to do if you think you are being cyberstalked

Steven’s first action step is simple:

Do not delete anything.

Preserve texts, emails, screenshots, suspicious messages, device alerts, app changes, login warnings, and any