Episode Details

What if your thoughts are not always telling you the truth?

For many adult children of dysfunction, anxious thoughts do not just feel like thoughts. They feel like warnings. They feel like facts. They feel like instructions we have to follow in order to stay safe.

“They are mad at me.”

“I am going to mess this up.”

“I need to fix this.”

“I should stay quiet.”

“I am too much.”

“I am not enough.”

In this Tammy’s Takes episode, Tammy teaches a simple, practical tool you can use in the moment when anxiety, overthinking, people-pleasing, shame, or old survival patterns start taking over.

Inspired by Tammy’s conversation with Dr. Elisabeth Morray, licensed psychologist and VP of Clinical at Alma, this episode explores the concept of psychological flexibility: the ability to experience hard thoughts, emotions, memories, and triggers without allowing them to make every decision for you.

Tammy breaks down her Notice, Name, and Next Step Method—a three-step practice designed to help you pause, regulate your nervous system, create space from fearful thoughts, and choose a response that aligns with your values instead of your fear.

In this episode, you will learn how to:

• Recognize when your body is reacting from an old survival pattern
• Get out of your racing mind and back into the present moment
• Understand the difference between remembering danger and being in danger
• Stop treating every anxious thought as a fact
• Create distance from thoughts like “I am not good enough” or “They are going to leave me”
• Identify one small, healthy next step instead of reacting from urgency
• Use your values as a compass when you feel confused, triggered, or overwhelmed
• Build self-trust one decision at a time
• Practice choosing yourself without needing to be perfect

Healing is not about never feeling anxiety again.

It is not about never being triggered.

It is about learning how to say:

“I am having this thought, but I do not have to obey it.”

“I am feeling this feeling, but I do not have to become this feeling.”

“I can feel uncomfortable and still choose what is healthy for me.”

If you are tired of living from fear, overexplaining, chasing reassurance, people-pleasing, or abandoning yourself to keep everyone else comfortable, this episode is for you.

The Practice From This Episode

When you feel triggered, pause and ask:

1. Notice: What is happening in my body right now?

2. Name: What thought is my mind offering me?

3. Next Step: What is one small action that aligns with my values instead of my fear?

Write this somewhere you can see it:

Notice. Name. Next Step.

You do not have to get rid of every thought.

You do not have to prove every fear wrong.

You just have to stop giving fear the keys to your life.

Mentioned in This Episode

Tammy’s conversation with Dr. Elisabeth Morray: You Don’t Have to Fix Your Thoughts to Heal: The Power of Psychological Flexibility

Dr. Morray discussed Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, psychological flexibility, values-based living, and how to find a therapist who feels safe, seen, and supportive.

Find a therapist through Alma: https://www.helloalma.com

Work With Tammy

If you are ready to understand your nervous system, stop repeating old patterns, build self-trust, and create a life that feels like yours, Tammy offers trauma-informed coaching and nervous system support.

Reach out to Tammy to schedule a free Clarity and Calm Call.

Hey there, I’m so glad you’re here and tuning in! If this episode spoke to your heart, just know ther