Episode Details

I keep referencing “explicit parenting” on the show, so this week I finally explain what I mean.

It started with a little book I wrote over a decade ago, Explicit Parenting: Tips from the Trenches for Raising Good and Happy Humans. It pulled together everything I know as a teacher, doula, childbirth educator, and trauma therapist, plus what I’ve lived as a wife and mom. Over the years it turned into a framework I use for parenting, relationships, and honestly just living.

The name throws people off (yes, “explicit” gets funny reactions online), but the idea is simple: say the thing. Don’t make your kids, or anyone, guess at your meaning. The less we leave for interpretation, the better off we are. Kids who aren’t given the explanation will fill in the blanks themselves, and they usually fill them in with “I must be the problem.” We don’t want that.

In this episode I walk through the four pillars:

* Tuning In. Know yourself first. Your triggers, your strengths, your expectations, your attachment style. None of the rest works without this.

* Know Your Relationships. Get clear on your expectations and boundaries, and focus on the relationship you want long-term, not just the milestones. Come back to the relationship.

* Lead With Curiosity, Not Judgment. Swap “they always do this” for “I wonder why they’re doing this.” Kids rarely mean to hurt you as much as we assume.

* Consistency and Persistence. The hardest one, and the easiest once the first three are solid. Show up the same way, and when you mess up, repair it.

The glue holding it all together is grace, for yourself and everyone else. And if you’re worried about whether you’re doing this parenting thing right, that worry is the proof you’re already doing a great job.

Timestamps0:09 Why this episode1:08 The little book that started it4:03 Where “explicit” comes from5:55 Just say it: don’t make kids interpret8:20 The four pillars9:08 Pillar 1: Tuning In10:13 Pillar 2: Know Your Relationships15:47 Pillar 3: Curiosity over judgment20:00 Pillar 4: Consistency and persistence23:04 Grace as the glue24:57 If you worry about it, you’re already doing great26:45 Outro

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