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Sheโ€™s Not Punishing Youโ€”Sheโ€™s in Pain: Triggers, Shame, and the 3 Ps of Responding Well

Sheโ€™s Not Punishing Youโ€”Sheโ€™s in Pain: Triggers, Shame, and the 3 Ps of Responding Well

Published 4ย months ago
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๐Ÿ“ป ๐™€๐™ซ๐™š๐™ง๐™ฎ ๐™ˆ๐™–๐™ฃโ€™๐™จ ๐˜ฝ๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ฉ๐™ก๐™š ๐™‹๐™ค๐™™๐™˜๐™–๐™จ๐™ฉ โ€“ ๐„๐ฉ๐ข๐ฌ๐จ๐๐ž ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ“ ๐’๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐๐จ๐“๐„๐’In Episode 25, JJ West and Doug Barnes welcome betrayalโ€‘trauma specialist Laura Manginโ€‘MacDonald to tackle one of the toughest questions husbands ask: โ€œWhen sheโ€™s triggered, how do I respondโ€”and not make it worse?โ€ Laura explains what a trigger really is (a Godโ€‘designed nervousโ€‘system alarm after betrayal), why wives canโ€™t just โ€œget over it,โ€ and why many men react from littleโ€‘boy shame with defensiveness, fixing, or fleeing.Youโ€™ll learn:Why your wifeโ€™s triggers are a normal neurobiological response to an abnormal betrayalโ€”and why she is not trying to punish you, but desperately trying to feel safe and connect.How your own shame and trauma fuel unhelpful reactions, and how to use the 3 Psโ€”Pause, Pursue, Provideโ€”to stay present, move toward her, and offer real empathy instead of quick solutions.Practical examples and โ€œMVPโ€ statements you can use before anniversaries, trips, or everyday triggers to show youโ€™re paying attention and owning the pain your choices caused.๐ŸŽŸ Use code ๐„๐Œ๐๐๐Ž๐ƒ to save $100 when you register for the Every Manโ€™s Battle Intensive, and ask about Restore and other betrayalโ€‘healing experiences so both of you have support as you heal.๐Ÿ“ง ๐๐Ž๐๐”๐’ ๐‚๐Ž๐๐“๐„๐๐“ ๐‹๐ˆ๐’๐“๐„๐๐„๐‘ ๐๐”๐„๐’๐“๐ˆ๐Ž๐๐’Want extra content to encourage your integrity, delivered via email each month? ๐Ÿ‘‰ Email EMBpodcast@newlife.com with โ€œBonus Contentโ€ in the subject line.To send questions or topic requests for future episodes:๐Ÿ‘‰ Email EMBpodcast@newlife.com with โ€œPodcast Questionโ€ in the subject line.โ˜Ž๏ธ Need help applying this in your own marriage?๐Ÿ‘‰ Call 800โ€‘NEWโ€‘LIFE or visit NewLife.com for:Sexual integrity counseling for men.Every Manโ€™s Battle intensives.Restore workshops and online experiences for wives experiencing betrayal trauma.Ongoing recovery and Life Recovery groups.๐ŸŽŸ ๐’๐“๐„๐๐’ ๐˜๐Ž๐” ๐‚๐€๐ ๐“๐€๐Š๐„ ๐€๐…๐“๐„๐‘ ๐“๐‡๐ˆ๐’ ๐„๐๐ˆ๐’๐Ž๐ƒ๐„If this episode exposed how easily you get defensive when your wife is triggered:Attend the Every Manโ€™s Battle Intensive3โ€‘day workshop for men seeking freedom from porn, affairs, and sexual addiction, led by licensed Christian counselors.Helps you understand your shame, your wifeโ€™s trauma, and how to rebuild trust with empathy and ownership.Invite your wife to Restore or related betrayalโ€‘healing offeringsInโ€‘person intensives and online experiences for women affected by betrayal, offering traumaโ€‘informed tools and community.Join an ongoing recovery groupNew Lifeโ€™s menโ€™s recovery and Life Recovery groups give you weekly practice in pausing, naming your shame, and showing up differently at home.Scholarships are often available; ask about assistance when you call 800โ€‘NEWโ€‘LIFE.Use code ๐„๐Œ๐๐๐Ž๐ƒ to save $100 when you register for Every Manโ€™s Battle.๐ŸŽง Listen subscribe:๐Ÿ‘‰ Every Manโ€™s Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/๐Ÿ‘‰ New Life LIVE other New Life podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #BetrayalTrauma #WhenShesTriggered #EmpathyInMarriage #SexualIntegrity #NewLifeMinistries
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