Episode Details

Moms hear it all the time: kids save their worst behavior for us because we're their safe space. Understood—but where’s the line between not taking every dig personally and becoming your kids' doormat?

When kids lash out—whether it’s a preschooler kicking in a Target checkout line, or a teenager declaring you’re the worst parent in the world—when are we supposed to absorb it, or rise above? And when do we need to set a boundary?

In this episode we discuss:

• Why it's important for parents to allow small children to express negative emotion
• Why adolescents hand parents their "emotional trash" (h/t Dr. Lisa Damour)
• the role of "projection" in heightened emotions
• how parenting an adolescent often means acting as a "wall" for kids to push off—and why that push can manifest as an insult or a slammed door
• Strategies for responding without escalating conflict

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Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

• Lisa Damour for the NYT: Parents of Teenagers, Stuck Taking Out the Emotional Trash
• Jody Podl for Your Teen Mag: How Can Loving and Kind Parents Cope With Their Mean Teenagers?
• Jessica Gudmundson et. al for Infant Behavior Development Journal: Links between mothers' coping styles, toddler reactivity, and sensitivity to toddler's negative emotions.
• Sharon Selby, MA, blog: What Is Happening When A Child Projects Feelings On To You?
• Sharon Selby, MA, blog: What Do Parents, A Swimming Pool and Child Development Have In Common?
• East Bay Behavior Therapy Center Blog: Relationship saboteurs: It’s all your fault versus it’s all my fault

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

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