Episode Details

Do you feel anxious, confused, or unsafe in your marriage, but you can’t quite explain why? These 7 emotional safety examples can help you find clarity when your husband’s words sound loving, but his actions leave you feeling betrayed.

Before we get to the list, to see if he’s using any one of the 19 types of emotional abuse tactics, take our free emotional abuse test.

7 EMOTIONAL SAFETY EXAMPLES

In this article you’ll see the following emotional safety examples:

• 7 Practical examples of emotional safety issues.
• Identifying his behaviors that threaten your emotionally safety.
• Realizing that your reactions to his emotional abuse are “normal.”
• What getting the right information means for your emotional safety.
• Honoring your needs and boundaries is essential as you decide next steps.

1. IF HIS ACTIONS DON’T MATCH HIS WORDS, TRUST WHAT YOU SEE

How it Sounds: “I love you and I’d never do anything to hurt you or our family.”

His promises may sound comforting, but his patterns are evidence. If you find yourself assessing his mood before you speak, rehearse conversations afterwards to figure out what went wrong, edit your needs to avoid a reaction, notice something feels off about his relationship with a co-worker, or realize the same issues never get resolved no matter how carefully you explain them, start trusting what you can see and feel.

Emotional safety examples begin with trusting your instincts.

2. IF HE USES MONEY OR OTHER RESOURCES TO CONTROL YOU, UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS

How it Sounds: “I’m just trying to take care of you. You don’t need to worry about the money.”

It may feel caring or protective for your husband to take care of the finances, but if he is secretive about his purchases, monitors every purchase you make, withholds money, interferes with your ability to work, or makes you feel dependent on him for basic needs, that is not protection. It is control.

Emotional safety examples, means you have access to money, transportation, information, food, medical care, and communication without having to beg, panic, or wait for him to decide whether you deserve them.

3. IF HE USES STRESS, SADNESS, OR HELPLESSNESS TO EXPLOIT YOU, PROTECT YOUR ENERGY

How it Sounds: “I’m so overwhelmed lately. I just need your help, so I can recover.”

If your husband uses stress, sadness, illness, addiction, work, or confusion to make you responsible for his life, you may end up managing the children, the house, the appointments, the meals, his emotions, his recovery, and his reputation alone.

Emotional safety examples mean you are seen as a person with needs, limits, and a life of your own, not just someone who’s there to “help him” manage his.

4. IF HE TWISTS THE TRUTH AND BLAMES YOUR “POOR” COMMUNICATION, BE STRATEGIC: EMOTIONAL SAFETY EXAMPLES

How it Sounds: “You never told me you had a problem with my behavior.”

Husbands who are hiding addictions, emotional affairs, or coercive behavior often depend on confusion to keep the pattern going. He may have watched you cry, ask questions, explain your concerns repeatedly, or change yourself trying to fix the relationship, only to later claim he “didn’t know” there was a problem.