Episode Details

Biggest Mediation Mistakes to Avoid:

After decades on the bench, retired Judge Michele Lowrance has seen firsthand what truly destroys families during divorce—and it isn't always what you think.

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In this powerful episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and Morgan L. Stogsdill sit down with the Honorable Michele Lowrance, retired domestic relations judge, nationally recognized mediator, author of The Good Karma Divorce, and one of the leading voices in family law and divorce mediation. Together, they explore why mediation is often a better path than litigation, what happens to families when conflict escalates into court battles, and how parents can protect their children while navigating one of life's most painful transitions.

Judge Lowrance shares the science behind emotional decision-making, the impact of divorce conflict on children, why the right mediator can make or break your case, and how even high-conflict couples can find a path toward resolution.

If you're preparing for mediation, considering litigation, or simply trying to make better decisions during your divorce, this episode is a must-listen.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• Why mediation is often a better alternative to courtroom litigation
• What happens to children when parents remain locked in conflict
• The emotional and neurological impact of divorce
• How fear, anger, and grief affect decision-making
• Why good people struggle during mediation
• The critical role of the mediator
• How to choose the right mediator for your divorce
• What to expect from the first mediation session
• Why high-conflict divorces can still benefit from mediation
• How to move from emotional reactions to thoughtful decisions
• The concept behind The Good Karma Divorce

Key Takeaways

✔️ Divorce decisions made from anger often create long-term damage

✔️ Mediation allows families to move toward acceptance rather than remaining stuck in conflict

✔️ The right mediator should challenge, guide, and creatively problem-solve—not simply carry offers back and forth

✔️ Children are deeply affected by ongoing parental conflict

✔️ Emotional regulation is one of the most important skills during divorce

✔️ The first mediation offers are often difficult—but that doesn't mean mediation isn't working

✔️ You won't always feel the same way about your ex that you do today

✔️ Keeping your focus on the future can help you make better decisions now

Three Action Steps from Michele Lowrance

1. Don't Impose Your Agenda

Before discussing a difficult topic with your co-parent, ask whether it's a good time for the conversation. Respect timing and create rules of engagement that reduce conflict.

2. Remember You Won't Always Feel This Way

The emotions you're experiencing right now are real—but they won't last forever. Make decisions based on your future, not just your current pain.

3. Keep Your Eye on the Target

Focus on healing, protecting your children, and moving forward. Don't try to navigate divorce alone—get the support you need.

About Michele Lowrance

Michele Lowrance is a retired Cook County Domestic Relations Judge, nationally recognized divorce mediator, author, and family law thought leader. She practiced family law for more than two decades before serving nearly twenty years on the bench and has dedicated her career to helping families resolve conflict with less trauma and more humanity.

Her book, The Good Karma Divorce, explores how individuals can emerge from divorce with dignity, healing, and purpose.

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